Transit Thoughts

“Jalan-jalan with Jesus. He will lead you.”

Between starting and ending the year in Manokwari, there was the emergency activation for Semarang and Surabaya, the team Esther fast in Sentani (that became a ministry trip), five weeks in South Africa with Dr S, trip back ‘home’ for work to Singapore and Miri, and then Jakarta with one of our volunteers, followed by a networking trip back home to Singapore and West Malaysia.

There were little things that God decided to give my little heart - CNY vibes in Surabaya before CNY, belated bak zhang in Singapore when I had forgotten that I had a craving during the Zhongzi Festival a few months before, going home on assignment, the pleasure of hosting some very special guests from Japan in the Jireh story thread, and redeemed relationships and loads of encouragement from a circle I didn’t think I’d have much contact with anymore.

Adventures with Jesus. Truly. Lots of  “Jesus halp”  moments, extending to “Jesus take the wheeeelllllllll take it from my handssssssss”. Reminded constantly of that chorus I released at the beginning of the year - I’ll give You my heart over and over again.

In April, after hearing more of Dr S’s story, I mentioned that I didn’t feel like the price I’ve had to pay is very high. She laughed and said, “Don’t compare your journey to mine. And don’t worry. God will show you as you go along”. Show me, He certainly did.

It snuck up on me during a htht with Cell Leader Full of Grace, even more when I was home with the parents. It’s a strange tension of recognising what tugs at my heartstrings, and recognising the God-given grace to not be consumed by the lack of the same. It’s been equal parts of longing and a humbling gratitude to be where I am. Being honest with God about the struggles, but learning to put them aside and be present.

I am grateful that there has been much joy in the process, much love shared. It doesn’t change the fact that there are things I long for, but I surrender those to Him. Knowing that He knows, trusting that He fills the spaces in my heart.

My heart? I’m still giving it to Him.

Over and over again.

When Autumn Falls

I fell for autumn.

Autumn has always been idyllic in my mind, something I looked forward to experiencing...eventually. I thought maybe it'd be in Wales, but that hasn't happened. What did happen though, was an autumn surprise in South Africa earlier this year - my first transnational trip outside of the Southeast/East Asia region.
 

The past year has been filled with God-executed surprises.
It started with me being able to spend my 31st with beloved family back home due to a visa emergency and a passport emergency. Then, I was emergency activated with 10 hours' flight notice for the last bit of the Indonesia di Hatiku prayer tour where I got to see more of Indonesia, joining heart and hand in prayer, and working with sound and media teams in different cities.

Papuan Christmas was a whole new world and lasted from November till the beginnings of February (maybe even till Easter haha.

Then came 2024 with the unexpected experience of autumn on the surprise South Africa trip. Seeing the autumn leaves turn colour and flutter to the ground was everything I thought it would be and more. The temperature was a nice surprise too! It never connected in my mind that autumn comes with cooler weather. Meine Mutter called me a polar bear because of how much I was enjoying the low double to single digit temperature. They also said that the cold was rolling in sooner than they thought it would. (I think God did it just for me ☕)
Amidst the wonderful missions and experience of a new culture (also the surprise of authentic Indian food that's not available in Papua but very much a part of Malaysian culture), there was also the surprise of intentional space made for experiencing the wildlife of South Africa up close and personal.
Towards the end of our five weeks there, I was asked if I was feeling homesick and ready to go back to SEA lands. I was reminded of a quote SKJ shared with me - "let not our longing slay the appetite of our living". To make the fullest out of the present circumstance, to live in the present so I don't miss what God is doing in my now.

Coming back to Papua, I felt an invitation from the Lord to let Him stretch my capacity, and I said yes to start being an active voice. The differences in Bahasa Melayu and Bahasa Indonesia, had previously caused me to refrain from extensive sharing/teaching and the like for fear of miscommunication and misrepresentation of the Word. Within a short timespan, there were different opportunities to share and in various ministry and church settings. I also did my first international team teaching. It was precious to be able to share things close to my heart and experiences that the Lord's been taking me through. What made it even more special was being able to call my parents for SOS prayer, and know that they were sowing with me. For the times where I had more preparation time, they made time for me to bounce my thoughts and unpack Scripture with them.

In the midst of all of that, a passing whisper of "I wonder when my next trip home will be..." was the precursor to God pulling yet another surprise of a work trip back to my home church, and then to a city in my heart's homeland. It was both amusing and heartwarming to be back 'home', but also felt 'new' as the Lord began to speak to my heart about how he's woven parts of my story with the thumbprint of different nations on my heart. Going back to Sarawak on what I would consider my first official assignment in a role transition was so incredibly defining and moving as I witnessed and felt God bringing the sounds of my islands to a point of convergence in my heart.

This time of the year is what I usually associate with autumn, and is also one of the times of the year when I reflect on my journey and growth. The annual family celebration was a time of lots of good tears and encouragement. God is so, so kind, and so, so faithful. He's the best planner and best surpriser, and I so look forward to continuing to take each step with Him, with my hand in His.

With the mark of my 32nd year, all I have to say is this - my soul is satisfied.

Stepping Out

Just a little over two months ago, I stood in the Changi International Airport, bags packed, passport and one-way ticket in hand. It took me three flights, fourteen hours between my first takeoff and third landing, with two timezone changes. I am now as far east as I can get in Southeast Asia, in the beautiful land of the cenderawasih.

I had come with a team from church last November on a week-long mission trip. I returned to Singapore with a love for the place and the people seeded in my heart, and then the Father made a way for me to return for the forseeable future as a missionary.

There is a different kind of fulfilment that one has when in the right place at the right time, and that is something I can say that I have here. It's a simpler life, but I have really been able to give of everything I have. There is space for worship and prayer, music and teaching, audio/technical work and language, hugs and children, conversation and cooking...everything that I had thought was a jumble of random skillsets seems to have come together in this one place. I am coming to understand that this is what 'breaking the alabaster jar' looks like for me.

While all of that is happening, there has been time for rest and balance in managing my day-to-day. I have been able to join more family calls over the past two months than I was able to in the past year. Am really thankful that technology has helped with the whole communication-and-staying-connected thing. But still. I miss being able to have a cup of coffee or a Macs sundae cone with my girls, being able to share a meal and htht for hours, being able to sit and pray together.
I miss my community a whole lot, but at the same time, I am thankful for the new community that is here. I've found a church to call home, one that has a heart for family growth and missions.

I never would have dreamed that I would be where I am today. The prayers of my parents, my mentors, my chosen family have all been instrumental in my growth and in my faith. We speak much of the plans that God has for us. Most of the time, when those plans are unboxed, we freak out. But that's okay :)

In my learning to trust God more and more, I am learning to yield to what He opens for me more and more. The stretching is uncomfortable, the testing and purifying painful, but at the end of the day, it opens into the beauty that He had in mind from the very beginning. If I truly hold Him in the highest regard over my life, and come to Him just because (not just when I need something), there is so much to learn and see and understand and marvel at.

That, my friends, is why I am constantly in awe and wonder at who He is and how He works.

Faith Translated

I've known for a while that my heart is drawn to Indonesia - her people and her culture. I used to serve with the local Indonesian congregation at their services with the sound team, and sometimes with the worship team. Due to my current scope, I've just been able to help with the recorded worship. It's been something that has been a pain point with the way things have evolved, and it's something I've cried about quite a bit, but it's also something I have surrendered to the Lord because He knows my heart the best. (He made it!)

September was when things (not just thoughts) started churning and I had told the Lord on the 28th that I didn't want to just respond to altar calls. If there was something to be done, steps to be taken, tell me what it is and I'll do it. The seriousness and readiness led to conversations, which led to an opened door to go on a mission trip to Indonesia.
In my natural thought, Indonesia comprises Java, Sumatra, Kalimantan, and many smaller islands...but in late September, my perception of Indonesia had expanded to include West Papua. Manokwari, West Papua, was the locality of said mission trip.

As I learnt more of the profile of the trip and its' workings, it became clear that this was something very far removed from my current portfolio. The focal point was to go and work with the children at the centre, and also to run a curriculum-planning training for the Sunday school teachers. The cost of the trip was something that I had faith that God would provide for, so that wasn't really a huge concern. Sure, I could speak the language. I could sing songs and help to lead worship...but would I really be a help to the team?
I then told the Lord that at the slightest resistance, I would withdraw from the team. One thing after another, the process took its course with surprising smoothness - release from my HOD (this was huge for me considering some experience I had with leave approval prior to this), positive recommendation from my cell group leader, approval from the overseeing pastor. I still wasn't completely sure, despite the excitement of my spiritual Mum, and the encouragement of my parents. My parents, being missionaries, told me not to overthink it, and I didn't have to take it with the seriousness of a decision that would affect my life trajectory.

"How many confirmations do you need?"
This was a question posed to me when I reached out to someone who is also mentoring me in this journey to ask for prayer alongside. Having the release of my boss should be enough, he said.

It's true. It does seem like I took it way too seriously, but I'm glad I did. I ended up only booking my tickets after having come to a place of peace and assurance about the trip personally during a time of prayer and worship. That time of waiting and learning to sense and hear what the Lord was speaking and not run ahead was an exercise that has become another layer of the foundations of my faith journey. It wasn't that I was asking to know what was ahead, I was asking to know the heart of the Father, if this was something He had for me to be a part of.

Throughout the week in Papua, a constant question on my mind was, "Why am I really here?". There were many capacities we got to serve in, from the practical tasks that we helped with, to spending time with the children, to getting to know the staff and even encourage them.

Some of my discoveries included learning that I still love sound and technical work - it had been the pace and the circumstance that had me spiraling downward. In fact, earlier in the year, I had been talking to the Lord about future steps and asked if I could just not do anything sound-related anymore. This was certainly a revelation of what was happening with this thing that I seemed to have an in-built affinity for.
I was really thankful that the language was a gift that came from my relating with the Indonesians and the Indonesian culture over the years. Growing up in Sarawak and being exposed to missions and groundwork through stories and culture through experience seeded my curiosity to learn about Papuan culture. I brought back reminders of this precious time with me in the form of stories and the local arts (a very pretty Manokwari batik skirt!).
I learnt that contrary to what I had believed before that my 'random and very varied' skills and abilities were really for different seasons of ministry and life as it evolved, this was a place where all of that seemed to just come together and happen all in the same space. It was really a breath of fresh air for me.

This trip was what I would call my first overseas mission trip. Tracing the hand of the Lord in the things that prepared me for and led up to this trip has left me in a trail of gratefulness and awe. The question of "Why am I really here?" had so many layers to it - and the beauty is that all the answers came together as puzzle pieces, forming a picture up to this point. I am convinced that there will be more to it as time goes by, and as I revisit and keep tracing the Lord's hand through the seasons of this faith journey. There was major heart work as the Lord revealed some of the mysteries of His heart to me, and a keen sense of reverence that His heart has touched mine in things I have only read about in missionary accounts before, and are now personal experiences, that these are now things I know for myself.

I've been praying about and considering a major decision pertaining to next year. There has been much to learn about not adding on my own perception and understanding. Am reminded of how the manna provided for the Israelites was for daily consumption, and it was fresh every day. In the same way, the grace provided for my sustenance is something that I go to the Lord for the measure I need daily. When it comes to this crossroad I've come to over the past month, the understanding given and what is required is also daily, in that it really is one step at a time.

During a conversation with my parents last week, I was seeking their counsel over what I was putting together from my times of prayer and waiting and working through. I asked if it was reckless to make a decision at this point, or if I should wait for 'more information' before I make my choice. Mum then responded with this question, "If you had the answers to everything, then where would the faith be in your decision?".

What does faith translate to in this situation?
How much does it factor in to the choice I will make?
Is it something I am consciously posturing in?
What is the cost, and what is the price I'm willing to pay?

Is Jesus worth it?

But most of all, what does trusting Him in my daily look like?

Of Swishy Skirts and Slip-on Shoes

Each rise and drop has been wilder than the last.

It's the beginning of June, and I feel like I've been put through the wringer, squeezed and stretched out, over and over again. There were a few things that I was quite convinced would happen this year, but in the past five months - particularly in the past four weeks - I have come to realise afresh that I really don't understand many things that I had thought I did.

March saw the beginning of a once-weekly training for potentially stepping up in leadership a bit more. It ran for eight weeks, and that is now done! [I graduated yay~]

May kicked in with the four-day internship programme and we are now just done with Week Four. The intensity in which I am understanding the weight of the "Yes" is no joke.

Having said that, I am beyond grateful to be able to take time to just sit and learn and hear from the hearts of the leaders in the house. If there is one consistent thing I have noticed about every leader who has come to share on any given topic, it is that they carry such a zeal and conviction for what they speak on. All of them carry something in common that they repeat over and over again as they teach - that they love Jesus. It's said in a reverence and with an earnestness, with a depth that gets deeper in their expression and living out of what the Lord has planted in them. It has really challenged me in my desire to discover the depth of the passions He's put in me from the time He formed me.

(Just taking a moment here to be in awe at how He intentionally created this little human who He decided is worthy for Him to make in His own image.)

Desires. *sighs*

The week before the programme started, I was pretty tightly wound. I was stressing over the speculation of how I would be able to cope with the lessons and responses that would be required, with my regular workload to be completed in one third the usual time, and with balancing meetings and events and ministry. A 'pretty bad state' would be an apt description.

God - in His kindness and gentleness and mercy, and in His knowing me better than I know myself - bapped me on the head and told me to stop stressing over speculation. This little human heard, but as with most things, it took a while to understand what that meant specifically in this context.

In the first two weeks of the internship, there was a very real wrestle with the Mary and Martha - emails were coming in, WhatsApp messages were coming in, everyone needed something urgent that was due yesterday. The sledgehammer of the fact that I am pretty much a one-person department who deals with various other departments hit me full-force.

Reminders of "Just tahan first ok?" said over the past one year came back with me mentally throwing back "Tahan till when?" - and then the reminder of the one character that the Lord spoke of through my parents and mentors when I came full-time followed. "Meekness."

Rest and peace came as I chose to posture myself in everything I have. My attention, my heart, my hands. It was then that God began to speak and break things down, showing me that I really didn't understand what I thought was my calling. And I won't understand it at this point - I will only have the clues that He gives me in terms of my heart-wiring and serving, in terms of my ministry and interactions, and in terms of the relationships I have with those around me.

Major processing, redefining, and refining is happening, but there has been a peacefulness in understanding that I really don't understand many things. It's been a journey of retracing my steps, being more intentional about zooming in on different parts of my journey thus far, including my love for a specific land and people and the heritage I claim just by having walked through a significant part of my life there. I've been at my parents' hearts a bit more about what the Lord has spoken to them about life and ministry too. There are tiny little things and loves that I've missed in the 'growing up' and 'adulting', and this time has been so, so refreshing as the Lord invites me to take a closer look at things and stuff.

One of the visible restructuring things that has happened in the past month is a 180 degree wardrobe revamp because of a dress code that we have for the internship programme. I'm usually in my default black t-shirt and jeans or palazzo pants and black sneakers because of the mobility requirement that comes with my role, but for the past month, there is a no t-shirt and no jeans policy. It's been a month of donning dresses (a couple of them have swishy skirts that make me feel like I'm on the set of 'Funny Face') and slip-on shoes (they are still Skechers though, but have a slight wedge), which I was not super keen on at the beginning, but am coming to quite enjoy.

So the question that the Lord asked me on December 18th, 2021 returns.

"For all your desires left unfulfilled, will you bring them to Me and let Me put My dreams upon your heart?"

The subject of dreams and paying attention to my dreams have been coming up quite frequently of late. I don't consider myself to be a dreamer. I don't have vivid dreams other than the two brief ones I had where the Lord spoke so clearly regarding my one relationship back in April 2020 that led to me choosing Him and snowballed into my coming onboard full-time ministry.

I chose Him then, and I am still choosing Him now.

I'm His daughter. He knows me better than I know myself. When I said yes to Him writing my life story and my love story, I meant it. Even so, I often get excited and try to run ahead of Him to explore - that's just the reality of my feels and emotions, but He is such a gentleman and waits. So He knows, and I have no doubt that the story He's writing will appeal to all of how He made me to be. I did pour my heart out about a week and a half ago in a letter to Him and was very honest about where I find myself at this point. I'm pretty sure He read the letter and grinned and looked just ahead to where I couldn't see, and then back again at me and winked.

And so that leaves me sitting at His feet, tinkering on the keys in C (or D or G...maaaaaybe A) and singing to Him. In a dress with a swishy skirt. Probably barefooted though.

I leave you with this heart response.

Grace and Peace

I am thankful that the Lord is my constant.

Things add up and pile on and get to me. Just before my brain goes into overdrive, it kicks into survival mode. I often don't realise how stressed I am...until something major happens to my health. Before this when I was in MG, it was about six weeks in when I came down with a high fever, and then that morphed into losing my voice for a bit, a horrible cough, and being really winded every few steps I took. It took about three weeks to recover from there.

This time, also around the six-week mark, I spiraled into exhaustion, coupled with feeling that what I knew wasn't enough. A little bit of imposter syndrome, a little bit of inferiority complex...it all added up. It was different though - different in the sense that the Lord started to pepper my days with little things that all added up to counter the nonsense. There was encouragement in the form of hearing a testimony of the Lord coming through in an amazing timeline shared between three people, the working out of the reality of His grace being sufficient and His strength made perfect in my weakness in my life, and being able to hear stories, speak life, and pray with people the Lord brought along my week (which I know I can only do from a place of rest).

One of the things He's been teaching me is what I've taken to calling the 'ministry of encouragement'. It's something I'm being very careful with, not wanting to just say generic things or pray generic prayers, but asking the Lord what it is that would speak specifically to hearts and bless the individual. It takes time, and it takes heart. Why bother? Quite honestly, because this is the burden the Lord's given me the grace and heart for.

As I got slowly refreshed this time, the Lord opened the door for me to act on something else He has placed on my heart. Unity in the church.

I was approached to come alongside and run with the youths for two of three days of an event they were having. I jumped on the offer, showed up for the tech run, quite honestly, wondering if I would really be able to help. I felt bad during the run because I highlighted an issue that caused a panic moment as they tried to understand the situation. We took some time, I tried to explain the flow to them and once they got it, we managed to find a solution! I came away from that session not so much proud that we found a solution, but more honoured to be part of that team.

This past Thursday was the first day of said event. My right ear started feeling funny and I noticed that my earphones were going in quite tight. The inside of my ear canal continued to swell through the day, and by evening, my right ear pretty much felt like it was underwater. I didn't say anything to the team or anyone else because I didn't want to alarm them. Took a panadol, slept early...woke up at 5am with pain. My pain tolerance is higher than average, and this was PAIN. I remembered the sharing from the day before about the supernatural being normal, said a quick prayer and the pain subsided almost immediately so I went back to sleep for a bit more.

On my way to church a couple of hours later, I asked God, "How ah?" There was no panic, no anger, no anxiety - more of a "Hey Lord, I'm supposed to be the sound[wo]man for this. There's a whole day ahead...how am I supposed to mix with...only one functioning ear?" I could hear 'sound', but I couldn't hear detail. By the grace of God, the pain wasn't constant, just on and off, kind of in the background. My right ear was still 'underwater' and I couldn't put my earphones, much less my in-ear monitors in at all. I really felt handicapped while trying to eq and mix.

BUT, He gave me peace that surpasses all understanding.

The speaker of the day mentioned something in passing - that the Lord asked a burnt-out him what would be left if everything else was stripped away. I was brought back to the question I asked the Lord in the morning, "How ah?" I felt like I have this job to do, but my ability and the little skill I have is now half stripped away. The answer came quite quickly.

Just a heart that is fully in love.

It was a completely honest answer from my heart of hearts. Right in that moment, I felt the victory over the situation. I don't think I will end up having to see an ENT specialist, and it really feels like my focus through this period was right. I clung on to the Lord, to what He was speaking, and He gave me peace through the whole situation, He gave me rest and comfort from the pain. Perhaps this was the test of the lesson on His grace that He's been teaching me over the past three weeks from when I first realised that I was exhausted.

He gave me a gift of a couple of days of a personal retreat of sorts (because He knew I needed the time away), encouraged my heart as I reached out to encourage the team I was running with. I have been so incredibly blessed. My ear feels like it's slowly being unblocked, and I have full confidence that I'll be back to normal quite soon.

Your grace is sufficient for me
Your strength is made perfect when I am weak
All that I cling to I lay at Your feet
Your grace is sufficient for me

New Season Ahead~

I am so thankful that it is not me who determines the time and the season for things to happen.

Initially, the new role should have commenced mid-Feb, but there were things that cropped up beyond our control. Thankfully, I have an amazing boss who just allowed me to stay on till things were sorted, and on hindsight, I realise that my heart would really not have been ready to leave then.

The time extension allowed me a couple more monthly birthdays, as well as my long-awaited and very, very significant souvenir from The Muramatsu Flute. It allowed me extra time with people I truly appreciate, and the opportunity to show gratefulness for a little bit more. It allowed me to take the whole 'operating from a place of rest' thing to another level.

Just a couple of weeks after I got the news about the delay of my new chapter, my housemate forwarded a message from our landlord - we had to find a place to move to as they would not be renewing our lease, and we had six weeks. That was another adventure, but in short, after two weeks of searching and viewing and trying, it ended up that my housemate and I got to pray together and trust God to provide a place. He did. In the following week. We've just moved in and are still taking time to settle down and unpack. Something else to really be thankful for out of this situation is that she is open to us having small group meetings and the like at home!

There are many other things that have piled on simultaneously, but above the physical stuff that's happening, there is grace and favour as the Lord works things out the way He wants to.

This week, I will be letting go of my current role and preparing to begin my new role. I know my heart is now ready. I'm just astounded and amazed at how God is so gracious and would allow things I need even when I don't know I need them. It's a week of reflecting and recounting not just what He's doing in my life and where He's taking me, but also the people who have been instrumental in sowing into my life.

Learning to Say Goodbye

Day 30 of Month 30 with the MG Family.
I have no words to express how thankful I am, how thankful I have been to be part of this team.

Saying goodbye is not new to me. At all. My family and I moved around quite a bit while I was growing up - whether to different states altogether, or simply moving houses. Later came the saying goodbye to my country as I moved to a different one, moved back, and then away again. I've heard stories of some who move around and just don't put down roots because it's difficult when it comes time to uproot.

It is difficult.

I'm not someone who can go through life and relationships without putting down roots. Something I've come to learn in the past month or so is that it's not so much of where my roots are physically as it is where, or in this case, Who my source is.

I love people, I love being part of community. I love reaching out, and I love building friendships. I'm a relational person, but I also realise that there is wisdom in having an 'inner circle' to journey with. I'm talking about the guys who see me at my best, and my worst. They are the first ones I want to share news with, whether good or bad. There are some who journey together for a season, and others who journey for a much longer period.

Above all these relationships is my relationship with the Father.

He's been teaching me the importance of prioritising my relationship with Him, the value that comes from sowing into that, and how it then spills over into how I relate with the others around me and the community He places me in.

The past few weeks have been a pretty extreme roller-coaster ride. To date. It probably gets crazier as I stay on, but just like the safety harness, I know He's got me. All He requires is for me to rest in Him. Come along with Him for the ride, experience the things He's taking me through. Allow Him to give me the grand tour of my life. It almost seems too easy - but 'seems' is the catch.

The surrendering is hard.
The not getting overexcited and running ahead to explore is hard.
The saying goodbye when it's time to move to the next thing is hard.
The being ok with having to say goodbye is really hard.

I don't typically do floor service here, but I do have a small group of regulars who I have the pleasure of serving when they come in. I've got clients I have come to work very closely with, some of whom have been nothing short of patient and encouraging as I communicate with them in a language and with skills I'm picking up on the go.

As I reflect and take stock, I'm pretty amazed at how much I've learnt in my time here. None of it came from me saying I've never done it before so I can't. By God's grace and mercy, it was all happening so fast that I really didn't have the time to stop and think and convince myself that I had no experience therefore I couldn't. I've learnt not to tell God what I can and cannot do, and just let Him take me through the things He wants to teach me. One of the most precious things about Him leading me on this journey is that some of the things I've had the pleasure of picking up along the way, and even some of the connections (hello, Muramatsu!) have been purely for the delight of my heart.

My chapter with MG may be coming to a close, but I will always be Team MG. There has been such favour in this community of companies and it is truly an honour to be able to walk and learn with them. I am so grateful for the welcome they have extended, and continue to extend even after I step into my next adventure.

They took a chance on me, gave me room to grow.
They are family.

Relentless Pursuit

I am thankful for a God who pursues my heart and woos me over and over again.

I've gotten caught up in the busy for a bit now, but for the past few days (maybe even longer - but I'm foolish and sometimes oblivious), He's been after my heart, drawing me back to intimacy. He's been dropping song lyrics on my heart, verses, prayers. This morning, everything collided as He bapped me on the head and went "OI!" because the nudges weren't enough for this silly girl.

Two nights ago, I was listening to 'Communion' on repeat and the bridge goes "This is where I'm meant to be - me in You, and You in me". As I sat on the floor and worshipped, something began stirring deep inside.

Yesterday, I was at the prayer room and it was sweet, sweet fellowship and communion. A conversation on the way home brought to mind the fact that He's carved out a specific role for each of us to partner with Him. It's so...mind blowing.

That He would create me for a specific purpose, for the one thing He takes pleasure in gifting me with and me giving it back to Him. This isn't just for me - it's for all of us, and He's got something unique for each of us.

Coming into the place of understanding what our armour is, what our battleground is - when we say yes to Him, we allow Him to make our joy complete. In Him.

This morning on the bus ride to work, He dropped the lyrics "Times of refreshing here in Your presence" on my heart. I smiled, made a little post. I got to the office, got into the prayer zoom and was just worshipping with a liberation I haven't felt in a couple of weeks, then BAM. He wrecked me. Again.

He knew what I needed, and it was to be in His presence. He wanted to bring refreshing, He wanted to pull me out of the funk I allowed myself to drift into. He needed to get me back into a place where He could do just that. Once I was there, He came through.

"Here's where the dead things come back to living
I feel my heart beating again"

Relentless pursuit.

The more I am pushed out of my comfort zone;
The more I find my comfort in Him.

The Drawing

 I am thankful that He knows when it's time, and when that is is not up to me.

The past month has really been an acceleration in that He's nudged me to start taking action for a few different things. They didn't come as things I had to push through, but rather events that unfolded as I stepped when He led.

More pieces of the puzzle have begun to come together, and it's mind-blowing to see how God orchestrates things, down to the little details that make up the picture. When I say that my heart is full - it truly is. He's taught me that there is no need to justify my side of the story, because I am answerable to Him. Just step in obedience.

I shared with my Mum recently that I truly believe that I can step as I do because of the foundation and covering of her prayers. I also have a dear, dear sister (hi sayang!) who has been journeying closely with me. She is my go-to call buddy when the stirring starts and my heart is racing, and she, too, has me in her prayers just as she is in mine. There have been so many phone calls and texts exchanged, with tears and laughter, and I am excited to see the Lord bringing her into her season!

New things and clear purpose coming your way, my sayang!

On September 20th, He said it's time to GO. Since then, I've seen His hand lead and guide. I've seen His faithfulness in bringing clarity and assurance, unfolding promises bit by bit. I've seen doors open and things fall right in front of me for me to pick up and run with.

I know my heart is shifting. Just a couple of months ago, I was asking if the Lord would let me stay till the 100th anniversary of the flute make my company represents, but for the past month or so, I've come to a place where it doesn't matter anymore. Is the desire still there? For sure. Some days I ask again, but most other days, I'm on the edge of my seat, anticipating the next step. When He says it's time, it's time. I still don't know when that is - and this is what my faith walk looks like.

He's been drawing my heart. There's a daily looking forward to my 'One Three Four' hideaways. Just at the beginning of the Circuit Breaker, there were sharing sessions centered around making conversation with Him 'part of normalcy'. I thought I understood then, but oh boy. It's taken on an elevated meaning now. He's reeling me in, and I have yet to hit the peak.

Things that I thought mattered to me just two weeks ago matter less now. Some things have been more difficult to let go of than others, but I know I have a Father who Has a purpose for me, and He will only give me the best.

Lord, may you never stop drawing me to You.

Walau Ku Tak Dapat Melihat

It's September 30th, and my heart is exploding.

I turned 28 last week. 28 has been monumental for me in so many ways. There were prayers prayed, blessings spoken, and just such pleasure in knowing that the Lord had me right where He wanted me.

I've been on this journey with the Lord that just keeps getting sweeter as He draws me closer. It's interesting that as I'm writing this, I've got YouTube on autoplay in the background. The song that's playing is as the post title is. It translates to 'even though I cannot see'. The original singer for this song is a visually impaired young girl (who's probably in her mid teens by now). The chorus speaks about how even though I cannot see His plans or place my hope in my life's circumstances, my heart will be turned to Him because I know He is for me.

Birthdays have always been a time of appreciation for my family, recognising that there are people the Lord had brought around us to journey with us and speak into our lives, reaching out to them to affirm them. They have also been a time of encouragement and blessing as the others in the family speak words and prayers over the birthday person. This year has been really, really special.

I took advantage of the safety measures in place to meet more people - in small groups. Being able to zero in on the individuals I was meeting and be more specific and intentional about readying my heart for these meets was a really special process for me. The preparation space as I reached out to different ones and prayed and reflected leading up to the meeting taught me so much. It was time spent with the Lord, as He showed me the beauty in different ones, as He brought things to focus and remembrance.

This year, it was a time of seeing the Lord pepper my days with little surprises, bring so much joy and take my focus away from 'me', so that He could help me see His perspective. He met me in so many ways and I'm just...floored.

There were days when I felt homesick, but it was a lesson on shifting my perspective from wallowing in my seemingly depressive situation being in a place away from family, not being able to make a trip home. There were days where I wondered what it would be like if I was still in the relationship I was in - it's lonely, being here, and it would be so nice if I had a 'someone special'. But then the Lord was quick to remind me of the people He has placed around me so we can journey together. As I availed myself and poured into their lives, He poured into mine, and He continues to do so. It's definitely different from having a special someone, but it's a season where He's bringing my heart to be where He wants it, even with all the hurt and brokenness, so that He can prepare me for the ministry and even the special someone He has for me.

I was in a zoom church service with a church where my Dad was speaking at during the lockdown, and after the service, there was someone who gave me a word the Lord had laid on her heart for me. It was simple - "The Lord will reassure you in all your steps". Such a simple statement, but it's really come to be so key in each relationship and even in the ministry He's begun to lead me to and open up. I was on the bus praying about something just two days ago playing tug of war, and it was like He hit me on the head and went, "Didn't I tell you already that I will reassure you in all your steps as you step with me?". I'm still learning - and every day is truly sweeter with Him.

I said this in one of my earlier posts, that every day is a new surrender. Sometimes it's multiple times a day where I go "Lord, take my heart. Take my emotions.". Now that I'm here with Him, my heart's in a place where I don't want to be distracted - simply because I've tasted of the Lord, and He is good. He's faithful, He's merciful, and I'm so blown away by how He's chosen me *in* my imperfections, *in* my weakness.

These days have looked like lots of conversations in public places where as I'm sharing or listening, He is so tangibly present and I end up a crying mess. They have sounded like calls that happen when He decides they should, where I'm walking with someone over the phone, be it working or praying through a specific situation. These days have seen prayer become natural to me, even aloud where others are clearly listening in - I pray the Lord does His work as the seeds get thrown out there.

About a month and a half ago, I was on my knees in my office as I sobbed and responded to where He had arrested my heart. He gave me a phrase - 'take hold of me'. As I prayed this, it started to really resonate in my heart. That night, I sat at Tasso and was just playing and singing to Him. It was old school - 'Pass Me Not, O Gentle Saviour'. I started wrapping up seeing that it was past midnight, but He had different plans. He decided to respond to my prayer, for Him to not pass me by, and in His humour, 'Take Hold of Me' was birthed.

So even though I don't see His plan, and I don't know two steps ahead of where I am, let alone five, my heart is so turned to Him and I pray I will never lose sight of the eternity He's preparing me for with Him.

Take hold of me, Lord.

 

ps. Right as I finish my read-through before hitting the publish button, YouTube cycles back to the song I started with at the beginning of this post. The exact same video. I'm done. I'm wrecked. In the best way possible.

Sejahtera Malaysia

Today is Malaysia Day, and I am thankful to be Malaysian.

Often I hear "Malaysia boleh" being tossed around as a jab at Malaysia and her people. I've done this myself. Every nation has its quirks, and Malaysia is no exception.

Growing up, I remember holding a blue passport, also called a Limited Travel Document. I was born in Penang, living in Sarawak, and my siblings and I had to go through a student visa application for every year we were there. My father was on a tourist visa for all of his 14 years there as a missionary and voluntary church worker - he had to leave the state every three months. My mother had to get a letter from the school every year (and later on, every six months) to recognise or acknowledge her as our guardian. It was frustrating at times, and I wondered why, as a Malaysian, I had to still do this.

Now that I'm older and I look back, I understand. Malaysia is a federation that was formed on September 16th, 1963 comprising of Malaya, Singapore, Sabah, and Sarawak. Among the articles of the agreement were that Sarawak would keep its freedom of religion, and she would also have control over the immigration laws. I saw this as something very special, and I have been blessed to be able to call Sarawak - Kuching specifically - the home of my heart.

I grew up with diversity in culture, but among a people who stood united. I was rooted in church and community, was blessed to be exposed to, and later part of the rich musical heritage. I was blessed to be among a people who personified the melting pot that is Malaysia.

It was also there that I met Lavender. She was tiny then - I'm closer in age to her brother. Our families used to sit along the same row in church, and it was her late father who was instrumental in getting me involved in the church worship ministry. He was a great encouragement and blessing as he went out of his way to have me as part of the team, which often involved being my ride to and from rehearsals and services.

Now, years later, I am thankful for the training I had there, and this standstill has brought the breaking of barriers. Lavender and I ended up reaching out across the borders - myself in Singapore and she in Kuching, to collaborate in a prayer and blessing for Malaysia. It has truly been a joy and privilege to work on this cover of 'Sejahtera Malaysia'.

There is no simple translation for the word 'sejahtera'. It is peace, harmony, unity in the diversity. It is a hope and a blessing, a meeting in the middle. It is beautiful, and most of all, it is my prayer for the nation.

At the centre of everything I know is my God - the Creator of all. My Creator. It is to Him that I lift this prayer and blessing over my nation, because I know He loves Malaysia - more than I ever could.

I was asked recently if I am patriotic. My heart beats for nations, it beats for people. I love the diversity of culture, and I am proud of my heritage. Beyond the politics and the view that the world has of my country (which I do not claim to understand), I have a deep love for my nation. It is as the Lord has willed, and as such will it remain.

Serahkan Hidupku

The Lord's timing is impeccable, and I am so, so, so thankful for that.

In my previous post, I spoke about emerging from the Circuit Breaker, broken. Part of the journey involved Him bringing me back to my first love. I bought a digital piano, and it's my place of surrender where I just go and play and sing and worship.

As He was working things out in me, He dropped this song on my heart. I got the melody first while lingering in worship, then sat down to wait on Him. He gave me a Malay phrase. I was surprised. Then I freaked a little because I realised that while I had been speaking some Malay, I didn't have the vocabulary to write a worship song in Malay. I opened up my Bible app (I use Alkitab Versi Borneo!) and pulled up Psalms, started to read and just scribble down phrases as they jumped out at me. Less than two hours later, Serahkan Hidupku was birthed.

I sent it out to my family, and to my former housemate (she's Indonesian). Ended up also sending it to the pastor of our Indonesian congregation, and that turned into "Could you please record this with video so we can use it for our services?". Long story short, I recorded it in June and sent it in a couple of days later. I didn't hear anything from them until earlier this week. Pastor P told me that they'll be putting it up this weekend.

I was texting my parents yesterday and sharing what the Lord had been putting on my heart. I had a moment with God in the afternoon when I read some news about my home country and was struck by how I've been so detached, then felt such an urgency to be in prayer over my home nation, and also where I am now. As I was sharing with them, the significance of what was happening struck me.

Serahkan Hidupku is about who the Lord is and my surrender to Him.

This was a song that He gave me on Teachers' Day (May 16th) as an extended response to me waiting on Him for a project I was considering embarking on. This was also Day 40 (!!!) of Circuit Breaker.

Playing the piano and singing are both things that I don't see as areas I'm confident in, but I just obeyed and did the recording.

I held off getting the lyric video done and putting it up on youtube, but then because it's going to be shown come Sunday, decided to get it done.

I got the video up on 08-08-2020. The number 8 signifies new beginnings, and this is really a season of new beginnings with the Lord as He challenges me to take a step out every day. 20/20 is associated with perfect vision. When we keep our eyes on the Lord, we truly do have perfect vision.

August 9th is Singapore's National Day. This Malaysian's song is going to be aired to an Indonesian congregation, on Singapore's National Day. For me, it's a coming together of the three nations, and I am beyond humbled and honoured at this revelation. It means pressing in to pray for these nations. It means that this ripple effect between the nations is something I need to be far more attuned to.

I really don't know what will come forth from this - all I know is that I am going to continue walking as He leads me to the next thing, one step at a time.

I surrender my life into Your hands, my Lord.

Broken.

I am thankful that God meets me where I am.

I emerge from the Circuit Breaker broken.

This is not a bad thing at all. It's been 56 days, and I've been on a journey - an incubation period, if you will. It's been a time of surrender, yielding, obedience, waiting, learning, and breakthrough. The Lord was preparing me for this even before the Circuit Breaker started, and of course, I didn't realise it then. The past 56 days have been quite a ride - I'll share just a little here.

I was in a relationship with a good man, but he was not a believer. I knew this going in to the relationship, but I chose not to honour God and brush Him aside. We were long distance for three years, after which I moved over here and we were fast approaching the fifth year mark.
I'll come back to this in a bit.

One of the things that I had felt led to do leading up to this Circuit Breaker period was to play a song that God laid on my heart every day. I called this 'Project: Snippets'. I struggled with this because I had lost the joy of playing sometime during my college years, and I foolishly let the insecurity build up and poison me. My heart wasn't fully in it. I ended up letting my flute playing take a backseat for seven years or so.
There were many thoughts that ran through my mind when I said "Yes" to God and 'Project: Snippets'. I remember my first week, me fretting about the harmonies being weak and empty-sounding, about my intonation being flat or sharp, about who was listening - or if anyone was even listening. It was here that God taught me to just surrender and come back to Him with a heart of worship.

As I was working through this, God also brought to memory different prayers and promises over my life, and I knew that if I were to want to journey with Him, I had to lay my life down, yield to His leading.

This was when I knew I had to end the relationship. It was difficult, I called my parents at an unearthly hour in tears, shared with them, and they prayed for me and with me. As I sat down to pen the breakup letter, I reminded myself that I was not trying to pin the blame on anything or anyone - I just wanted to be honest and share what I had been experiencing up to this point.
Was obedience easy? First, me baring myself vulnerable with all my insecurities, and now, this. But whether it was easy or not was not my focus. My focus was on wanting to right my relationship with the Father, because I knew that nothing could ever be better than what He has for me.

The days that followed were a lot of worshipping and waiting. He would drop songs in my heart, I would worship with them, record them, put them up on Instagram. Sometimes I would be sobbing, wrecked and overwhelmed by His mercy and His kindness towards me despite me knowingly and consciously rejecting Him. It has been a time of reconciliation and healing, and the healing is still not done yet.

As people and churches got more used to the Circuit Breaker, events started getting organised. Teaching sessions, sharing sessions. I have been going for quite a number of these, just soaking up whatever there is to learn, reflecting on the material and on scripture. There has been so much shared on worship, and I am still digesting my notes from the different sessions.

There were many significant moments during this whole period, but here is one of the more major ones for me.

An opportunity came up - The Blessing Sg. (Watch it here!) There was a call for pastors, leaders, singers, to send in video submissions to be pieced together for a united proclamation and prayer of blessing over the nation. The Malaysian churches had already released theirs, and since it was a closed door project, I didn't get to participate there. I was about to go to bed, and I decided to say a quick prayer. I asked the Lord if this was something He wanted me to do, and if it was, I didn't want to just play nice-sounding melodies, I wanted to play melodies from His heart.

The next morning, I woke up with a song on my heart. As I worshipped with it, the last two lines of the chorus hit me:
You've placed in me the song of Heaven's melody
Your Majesty, I live to sing Your song

As if that wasn't enough of an answer, God being God, dropped a new song on my heart. A Malay song. A song about surrendering to Him. It's been at least 12 years since the last song I wrote, and this is also my very first Malay song. This was truly an amazing breakthrough for me, a significant milestone, and a promise for more to come. Listening back to the song (which I will be recording and putting up soon) still brings me to tears as I recount how He brought me to where I am now.

He's been drawing me to a new thing, and I'm excited for what He has in store. I don't have to ask, because I know His plans for me are good. It will never get old, this whole journeying with Him thing.

He's broken me so he can build me up, make my life into a vessel for His glory. My life is my offering to Him.

It still floors me to know that everything I can give to Him was given to me first. By Him.
Selah.

Still Waters, Clearer Reflections.

I am thankful for times of rest.

It's April, and we're in a state of declared pandemic. COVID-19 seems to be raging, and the vast majority of the world has come to a standstill.

From the start of this global emergency, it was not a spirit of fear that gripped me, but a peace that flooded my heart. Even after hearing that one of the pastors of my church in Catcity had succumbed to the virus. Even after my company was told that we were likely to suffer because of China shutting down first, then Europe. We get a lot of our goods from there.

Being goods-based, my work is classified as non-essential and we have had to shut our doors for now till May 4th. In this time that I have away from the hustle and bustle, I've committed to recording a short chorus or verse a day on my flute(s). It's been a time of learning new things, relearning to use GarageBand, and waiting to see what He puts on my heart. There's been a shift for sure, in my faith, and in learning to be still. Selah moments. Refreshing moments.

A memory came to mind this morning while I was in the kitchen. In secondary school - in Form Two - we were asked to make a list of things we wanted to see ourselves achieve in Vision 2020. While others listed successful careers and making their first million, in my naïveté, I had listed being a housewife, cooking for my family, probably with one kid by then. There's a whole backstory about the housewife thing that happened a couple of years later, but that's a story for another day.

I had done a market run this morning and was just puttering about putting things away, prepping for lunch makings. I had deboned a roast chicken - the carcass set aside for making soup soon-ish, meat shredded for use in my meals over the next few days. I plucked and washed red spinach and water convolvulus - something you could find me doing at home while helping Mum in the kitchen. Did a couple of other things involving getting corn kernels off of the cob and chopping up pumpkin - you get the idea. I joked about my Vision 2020 thing with my housemate when she came to the kitchen to get water, and she replied that I was partway there.

I probably won't be getting married for a while yet, but I am learning to enjoy the process. Getting married and starting a family, raising this family, loving this family, is still very much a desire of mine - don't get me wrong, but the journey to get to that point is one that I am still on. I don't know what will happen a year from now, five years from now, but I know for sure that I am in the palm of God's hand.

My question now is: Lord, what is Your dream for me?

Wawasan2020?

It's 2020.
I am thankful for so many things.

I spent the last week of 2019 back home with my family - yes, all of us. It's been difficult to get all of us in the same place in the past seven years because of us physically being in different places with different schedules. Being able to catch up and play chauffeur was fun, and just spending time together was refreshing. (I got to ride my bike too! I've missed that.)

I'm proud of...
Da Jie for really taking to being a mama (among other things).
Korkor not just for the role he is playing at work, but more importantly in the community he is in.
Rin for being the MVP where she is and being SKJ to Babes over the past two months or so that they have been staying together and working in the same city.
Babes for pushing past mental blocks, starting work, picking up dance again.
I admire Dad and Mum for the relationship they exemplify to us through their journey together, and their taking to new phases of life like the empty nest they now have and how they fill their time together.

The last week of 2019 was a much needed break after what felt like a whole work year of pushing through what seemed to be obstacles, learning, and running on overdrive towards the end. It's been a whirlwind of a year with lots of new challenges, making mistakes, learning to set them right, getting a bit more comfortable with interacting in what should be my mother tongue (still a long, long way to go), settling in to work and completing the first calendar year.

If you can't already tell, 2019 has been a lot of things for me.

Another major thing I am thankful for is this group I fondly know as my 'Senior Citizens'. We have gotten much closer this year, with different ones of us facing different challenges, sharing life and encouraging each other along the way. They are my family here in LionLand. We've ventured into music outside of each of our comfort zones, taken bus rides, shared meals, and we're okay with each other's crazy.

I spent the first day of the new year getting some rest, and then out walking around with TC. After dinner, I got to share a bit of what's on my mind with respect to my approach for this year, and also some things I was contemplating working towards. I live in a society that is largely dependent on paper qualification, and I have been thinking about maybe doing something towards that. This has really been an internal battle for me because of my chosen path post-O level equivalent. I certainly have not taken the common or conventional approach towards things, but talking to TC today helped me calm the push-pull in me with regards to getting a more traditional recognition of my capabilities.

In this coming year, there are areas which I would like to be more intentional about - like sorting out my health, being better committed to CG, and resuming my role in ListenUP. There will be new things with regards to serving in church, getting back into a little more serious flute playing, and working more on learning and practicing repair things and stuff.

2020 is going to be an interesting year.

2019.

I'm thankful that another year has passed, and the Lord has truly seen me through.

I had been talking about a move for a while. It took some time to come through, but I think that it was the posture in which I was approaching it. God's timing is perfect, and He knows. He truly does.

All of 2018, the message was to align, and then things will fall into place. I am thankful for parents who did not give up on me but stuck with me during the challenging times, the tense times, and worked things out with me.

Looking back, as much as it was a new season for them being empty-nesters for real, it was also a new season for me. Indeed, as mentioned in the previous post, I was learning a lot of new things but never really feeling completely overwhelmed. There has been so much patience and caring and encouragement in this period - I feel like bonsai.

Some of my outlook has changed, and there is truly a different drive. It's not the same as the comfortable place I was before, but it is a nurturing environment. I have been given opportunities that I felt were beyond me, and the support and encouragement to step up. What do I really know, right? A lot of things surprised me in the last 5 months (100 days of work ho!) of 2018.

This year, the message is the Aaronic Blessing. I have always looked forward to Dad praying this over us, and my pastoral team in my current home church also prays this over us at the end of the service. I got to actually play a song crafted upon these words at a very special event in October. I don't believe anything is by chance. He prepares ahead of us, He knows before we do. And the cool thing about it all is, He drops hints. A lot of hints.

I had just made a little blurb featuring this on New Year's Eve, and this morning, guess what Dad sends to me.

As I reflect and send out messages to different individuals who were instrumental in my 2018, I count the milestones and the blessings in my life. Now this, this overwhelms me.

2018 was a pretty amazing year. 2019 will be even better.

Don't raise your ceiling; raise your floor instead.

I end today's ramblings with another bit of good news. The earworm that has been bugging me for most of 2018 is now eradicated! I just found the song. An hour ago. And it is beautiful. The difference is that now, I do know where it is from. No more buggy!

Have I mentioned that I have a thing for songs in compound time? It...adds something special to the song. Most of the time.

Hello, 2019!

Day 50

I am thankful for growth and environments that nurture and encourage.

Today is Day 50 of work in Lionland. It's been pretty incredible so far, with a patient LaoBan, a nice immediate colleague and wonderful extended colleagues, a work space that constantly changes depending on what stock arrives or what is pending shipping. Ooooh, and my name cards arrived today!

People ask me what I do. It's hard to explain. I suppose my main focus is admin, but it's a small company, so really, we all do everything. I'm definitely still in the music circles, in a different way than before, but I look forward to start teaching again. Yes, there are plans in the works!

I've gotten to attend a workshop, been given tools and instruments to 'play' with. There's one shipment that's a monthly affair that I get to open (most of the time) and I happened to mention in passing that I felt like it's my birthday every time I get to do this. My amazing LaoBan remembered and has told me a few times of the expected arrival of 'my present' or asked me to 'go open my present'.

Someone said to me recently that it seems like I am getting paid to learn. I guess I am. It's not a bad place to be at all.

Other things are happening like MuRa's moving forward, me joining a community music group regularly (we're playing movie music next!), getting connected with a 'family' in church and back with serving in the music ministry, doing more admin stuff and learning to be more organised.

TC. Where do I even start. Thank you for watching out for me, for being generous with your time and helping me to settle in. Thank you for taking time to come share meals with me and make sure that I'm not alone during closing on days when I'm alone at work. I know you said that it's sort of kind of in the way in a kind of sort of way, but before this, you would just head straight on home to have dinner and wind down for the day. Just...thank you.

It's definitely a different phase in life, and different may sometimes seem daunting, but it's not all bad. There's still so much to learn, not just work-wise but also in personal discipline, in relationships, getting back into shape not just physically but also musically.

Stay focused, desselBoS. We're alright.

<3

I'm back.

I'm thankful for an unconventional learning journey - one only possible with Him.

October last year was when the non-stop thing started.

I got to attend a training day on pad replacements and some other general stuff that was conducted by technicians from (arguably) the top flute maker in the world. Little did I know it was part of my 'interview' process.

In November, I went back to my homeland for a week to do a sound system installation - my first back there, but not my first with my mentor. I did learn to crimp CAT6 cables then. It was fun.

December saw me getting back into orchestral work, albeit small scale (45 notes?).


This year has also whizzed by with some milestones.

More fun repair with the lady tech from the US amidst a crazy heavy week substitute teaching in school and a flute buying trip on behalf of a student of mine.

One of my girls rose up to the challenge to prepare for a music competition (Yay! School trip!), which to me, she won. She grew by leaps and bounds, displaying a keen sense of musicality. She didn't make finals, but from the start, we had both agreed that that was not the final goal.

I was offered the opportunity to stage manage for the annual Fine Arts Festival for the school that I was kind of sort of a part-time staff of. That was a crazy week. I got to work with a great crew team.

Following that was another series of crazy events, a church anniversary, family visiting with our newest member, a full-week children's camp, then another concert under the baton of someone I've known as a tutor from my youth orchestra days.

I really felt like that last concert brought me full circle, and I'm really ready to move forward.

I'm back in Lionland. It still feels surreal. I am officially employed for my first real full-time job.

I was offered this job a while ago, but the timing wasn't quite right, till now. Things started clicking into place two weeks ago, and here I am now, having completed my first week of work. I've got a great employer, a wonderful colleague plus extended family because yay for group of companies! I'm loving the work environment so far, and looking forward to more things.

It also happens to be a usually mandarin-speaking community, so I'm sure that I'll improve on my uh...caveman cheena along the way.

Yes, I'm back blogging also. I think. We'll see.

But yeah, I'm alive and well.