desselBoS all worked up.

Grr.

I feel like getting a hammer and whacking each and every one of my fingers.

ARRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Among other things.

I thank God for Anastasis.

And chocolate fudge cake. And wii.

God is beginning to show me some of the fruit of the labour He's helped drive me to put in. :) PTL!!!

Watching Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra on the 22nd November, 2010 is an unforgettable experience. As I was sitting there, different questions filtered through my mind. Questions I will have to answer someday, questions I will discover the answers to someday. I hope. And pray. Should this be where I'm headed.

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When I said it doesn't affect me that they deem me as too young to understand...maybe I said it to convince myself at that time...but it's not working now.

When I said that I'm giving it all to God...I'm wondering if I really did. Otherwise why would I still be feeling this way?

When you said that I shouldn't emo alone...I told myself I can't find you to emo with me. Why? Don't ask.

When you ask what's wrong...do you really want to know or is it just a formality?

Am I avoiding you?

Well...yes...but no.

Am I emo-ing now?

Yes.

Is that why I'm deliberately spending so much time alone now?

Yes, among other things.

Loner. Introvert. I just don't feel like talking.

This is not me. I don't like this person I'm becoming.

It's all that mangled with homesickness.

All that mangled with losing friends.

All that mangled with maybe not doing as well as I'd hoped?

All that mangled with the letter I'm wording.

All that mangled with wanting to see you and yet not wanting to.

All that mangled with wanting to be able to chill with you like we used to be able to...before this wall.

All that among other things.

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I wanna go home.

*Michael Bublé's 'Home' plays*



The only difference is...
I won't be home yet tonight. The river is flowing.

Metronome

I thank God for creativity.

As music students, we're always told how important it is to keep time and practice with a metronome :)

Enjoy.

October.

I thank God that He's speaking to me.

This is surely a sign that He's not given up on me. Hang on, what am I talking about? Of course He won't give up on me.

I said in my previous post that I'm on a roller coaster ride. So I just came up from another homesick phase and I've been reflecting on my life, checking myself. There's no room for compromise when it comes to His standards. Reading the book 'Captivating' by John and Stasi Eldredge, there are a a whole lot of things which I can relate to, which I'm seeing in my life...and plenty of things I need to change.

So while I was reflecting on my life, the weeding process is beginning, and hey, starting the process now is better, coz if it would have started later, the roots would have grown deeper and all. Yes, you don't get me. Haha. It's okay. This is just so I can look back and be reminded of how He's slowly moulding and shaping me.

He's still working on me
To make me what I ought to be
It took about a week to make the moon and the stars
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars
How loving and patient He must be
He's still working on me

The simple chorus of a song, containing such a simple truth. He's still working on me. I can't remember the lyrics of the verses tho.

The whole month of October was just a really sobering time for me.

I'm just gonna end here thanking God for something else.

The love of His family.

So thank You, God for the love of Your family.