“Jalan-jalan with Jesus. He will lead you.”
Between starting and ending the year in Manokwari, there was the emergency activation for Semarang and Surabaya, the team Esther fast in Sentani (that became a ministry trip), five weeks in South Africa with Dr S, trip back ‘home’ for work to Singapore and Miri, and then Jakarta with one of our volunteers, followed by a networking trip back home to Singapore and West Malaysia.
There were little things that God decided to give my little heart - CNY vibes in Surabaya before CNY, belated bak zhang in Singapore when I had forgotten that I had a craving during the Zhongzi Festival a few months before, going home on assignment, the pleasure of hosting some very special guests from Japan in the Jireh story thread, and redeemed relationships and loads of encouragement from a circle I didn’t think I’d have much contact with anymore.
Adventures with Jesus. Truly. Lots of “Jesus halp” moments, extending to “Jesus take the wheeeelllllllll take it from my handssssssss”. Reminded constantly of that chorus I released at the beginning of the year - I’ll give You my heart over and over again.
In April, after hearing more of Dr S’s story, I mentioned that I didn’t feel like the price I’ve had to pay is very high. She laughed and said, “Don’t compare your journey to mine. And don’t worry. God will show you as you go along”. Show me, He certainly did.
It snuck up on me during a htht with Cell Leader Full of Grace, even more when I was home with the parents. It’s a strange tension of recognising what tugs at my heartstrings, and recognising the God-given grace to not be consumed by the lack of the same. It’s been equal parts of longing and a humbling gratitude to be where I am. Being honest with God about the struggles, but learning to put them aside and be present.
I am grateful that there has been much joy in the process, much love shared. It doesn’t change the fact that there are things I long for, but I surrender those to Him. Knowing that He knows, trusting that He fills the spaces in my heart.
My heart? I’m still giving it to Him.
Over and over again.
