The Journey #1

I thank God for little pieces of home.

This week, I met up with four people from home. It was cool coz well...they're from home what. And today I had a lovely afternoon with one of them. Haha. And I also thank God for a friend who spent some time just talking to me about something that I've gotta make some serious decisions for. I fully appreciate that.

ME

Nice, responsive, resonant. But ruled out.

MG

Also nice, also responsive, also resonant and also ruled out.

MD

Sensitive, not too bright, responsive.

MP

I like the weight. A bit dark, but I kinda like it. Hmm...

PS

Too light. I feel no connection. But it's a good flute. It's just a preference thing. Ruled out.

PA

Also quite light. Not too bright, but I highly doubt...well...I think it's ruled out.

That's the account so far. It's a bit hard to do this. Okay, 'a bit' is an understatement. But I thank God for bringing people around me who are helping me with this. Waiting for MS. And whatever else comes. The Ms are generally very nice to work with. Very 'friendly', if I may say so.

2011.

I thank God for being the reason I can worship Him the way I do.

This weekend has been an awesome one. Through the week, I've been led through times of reflection and His speaking to me through the reading of His Word.

I received an email, a roster attached for the first quarter of the year. He's answered my prayer to be back in the ministry, to be back serving Him. It's been half a year since I've done that and I believe that He used this time to really prepare me for what He has destined for me.

This is my first post for the year. And I believe it is significant that I talk about two songs that have been ministering to me and have been making me ponder on...well...just Him.

This year so far I have had two songs in particular that I find myself coming back to over and over again and not get tired of them.

First, there's 'Offering' by Paul Baloche. The chorus talks about bringing back an offering of worship to our King. And that's what I was made for in the first place. To worship Him. Worship is a lifestyle...and my next book on my reading list for this year is 'Exploring Worship' by Bob Sorge. (Oh yes, a brother actually blessed me with a whole range of books by Bob Sorge for my birthday last year. This book was among them)

Right now I'm sitting here reflecting...and I realise that my journey serving Him in the worship ministry has been full of ups and downs. My prayer this year is that I will stay humble and not let pride get in the way. Saturday morning was...well...one of them described it as a feeling of such unity, lifting our worship unto Him. Later that day, I had the opportunity to serve with the worship team, on the flute. I was feeling very self-conscious and was wrecking my mind for ideas as to what to play to fill in the space and everything...my focus was all wrong. But later in the service, I praise God that He took all my anxiety away.

Today, during the first service, I could feel the anxiety creeping in again, but again, God proved triumphant. In the second service, I felt like He had just elevated me to a whole new level with Him, and being able to really worship just like that...it was as if I had gone back in time to when I was serving alongside Steve Harris, Uncle Mervyn and Wye Yi, except this time, God brought me to a higher level. I think back to the prophecy over me, about God taking me higher in Him, about Him increasing the worship anointing upon my life. It is so important that we yield completely to Him. It is so important that I yield completely to Him.

The second song is 'You'll Come' by Brooke Fraser. This song has been speaking to me of reassurance. Reassurance that He will indeed come for me if I wait upon Him.

I had stopped writing songs a while back because I got discouraged. Just before I left home to come back to Singapore, I had coffee with someone who has played a significant role in my being involved in the worship ministry back home. She encouraged me to get back into songwriting. Now as I think back (yes, I have been doing a lot of thinking), it was actually self-consciousness that caused me to stop writing. Another thing I'm gonna do this year is get back into songwriting.

I believe that as I strive to honour Him in all I do, that He will bless and multiply the fruits of my labour. That is my prayer for this year. 2011.

There's nothing more I can say. He is good. I will wait on Him more this year. And I will get back to writing songs. And I will fill out my Happy Book :)

I'm Home.

I thank God that I am home.

Finally, after being back in this country for about a month, I'm HOME. With my family. Picture this.

I'm sitting at the dining table, my dad is right behind me at his computer, I'm listening to my sister play jazz piano(something not classical :) *BIG SMILIES*). Stormy Weather. Mum's in the kitchen. Other siblings are in the living room and upstairs.

Just yesterday, I was practicing in my Bro's room coz my sisters were asleep in our shared room. Bro was out with friends. Then he came home and I was still at it. He told me it's okay, I can continue. I think I might have made him sleepy. Or given him a headache with repeated phrases. I myself was getting tired of them, but I just had to get it done. He did some work...and I was just thinking how nice it is to be here, at home, with everyone. Might not get to do this anymore soon. When we all have different breaks and stuff like that.

The past few weeks, maybe say three weeks, have been awesomely tiring. Nightmares...of a piece...which turned out to be...not so bad. It was a two-episode nightmare series. Well, the second was sort of an addition to the first. The setting and situation was more or less the same, just with an additional character for the second nightmare. Haha. Now that I look back, I can laugh.

Had the opportunity to meet up with some friends...dearly missed friends. Had a great couple of nights with them in Penang.

This time, I don't miss camp so much.

Don't get me wrong. It's because I treasure all of you, the times the six of us spent together, sometimes plus one, or even two more. I was sitting there that last night, after the third concert, referring to that 2am supper as the last supper, and it is, for a couple of us. Next camp, it will be for maybe one more. But guys, whatever it is...actually, I have no clue what I'm writing.

He's playing with my mind. I don't like it. Stop. Dude, quit it. You wanna play games with me? I can't. Am I going to let go? Yea. I am trying to. That's the only way. Unfortunately for me, it's easier said than done.

Moving on, I have heard much over the past few days, and this month has been full of wonderful surprises...and Ed and I are coming to 6 years now. Soon. In a matter of days. Do I love this guy? Yea I do. Every time I look at him, he's a reminder of how good God is. He's just so awesome. Darling Ed, I'm going to appreciate you more and spend more time with you. Those rough edges in our relationship, we need to work them out together. It ain't gonna be easy, but we can do it. Together.

2010 has been a year full of surprises, unexpected happenings, and the year has just flown by. I love my family. Will have to pray for more grace for what is to come in the next four and a half months. Some major decisions will have to be made, and I will have to remain faithful.

I am a work in progress. Still under construction. And 2011 will be a tough year. He's moulding me to be the girl He wants me to be, and eventually, the woman He knows I can be. It's an exciting year ahead, and the key is staying strong in Him. In Him, not in me.

I'm gonna go spend time with my family.

Caution: Overhaul in progress.

desselBoS all worked up.

Grr.

I feel like getting a hammer and whacking each and every one of my fingers.

ARRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Among other things.

I thank God for Anastasis.

And chocolate fudge cake. And wii.

God is beginning to show me some of the fruit of the labour He's helped drive me to put in. :) PTL!!!

Watching Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra on the 22nd November, 2010 is an unforgettable experience. As I was sitting there, different questions filtered through my mind. Questions I will have to answer someday, questions I will discover the answers to someday. I hope. And pray. Should this be where I'm headed.

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When I said it doesn't affect me that they deem me as too young to understand...maybe I said it to convince myself at that time...but it's not working now.

When I said that I'm giving it all to God...I'm wondering if I really did. Otherwise why would I still be feeling this way?

When you said that I shouldn't emo alone...I told myself I can't find you to emo with me. Why? Don't ask.

When you ask what's wrong...do you really want to know or is it just a formality?

Am I avoiding you?

Well...yes...but no.

Am I emo-ing now?

Yes.

Is that why I'm deliberately spending so much time alone now?

Yes, among other things.

Loner. Introvert. I just don't feel like talking.

This is not me. I don't like this person I'm becoming.

It's all that mangled with homesickness.

All that mangled with losing friends.

All that mangled with maybe not doing as well as I'd hoped?

All that mangled with the letter I'm wording.

All that mangled with wanting to see you and yet not wanting to.

All that mangled with wanting to be able to chill with you like we used to be able to...before this wall.

All that among other things.

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I wanna go home.

*Michael Bublé's 'Home' plays*



The only difference is...
I won't be home yet tonight. The river is flowing.

Metronome

I thank God for creativity.

As music students, we're always told how important it is to keep time and practice with a metronome :)

Enjoy.

October.

I thank God that He's speaking to me.

This is surely a sign that He's not given up on me. Hang on, what am I talking about? Of course He won't give up on me.

I said in my previous post that I'm on a roller coaster ride. So I just came up from another homesick phase and I've been reflecting on my life, checking myself. There's no room for compromise when it comes to His standards. Reading the book 'Captivating' by John and Stasi Eldredge, there are a a whole lot of things which I can relate to, which I'm seeing in my life...and plenty of things I need to change.

So while I was reflecting on my life, the weeding process is beginning, and hey, starting the process now is better, coz if it would have started later, the roots would have grown deeper and all. Yes, you don't get me. Haha. It's okay. This is just so I can look back and be reminded of how He's slowly moulding and shaping me.

He's still working on me
To make me what I ought to be
It took about a week to make the moon and the stars
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars
How loving and patient He must be
He's still working on me

The simple chorus of a song, containing such a simple truth. He's still working on me. I can't remember the lyrics of the verses tho.

The whole month of October was just a really sobering time for me.

I'm just gonna end here thanking God for something else.

The love of His family.

So thank You, God for the love of Your family.