October.

I thank God that He's speaking to me.

This is surely a sign that He's not given up on me. Hang on, what am I talking about? Of course He won't give up on me.

I said in my previous post that I'm on a roller coaster ride. So I just came up from another homesick phase and I've been reflecting on my life, checking myself. There's no room for compromise when it comes to His standards. Reading the book 'Captivating' by John and Stasi Eldredge, there are a a whole lot of things which I can relate to, which I'm seeing in my life...and plenty of things I need to change.

So while I was reflecting on my life, the weeding process is beginning, and hey, starting the process now is better, coz if it would have started later, the roots would have grown deeper and all. Yes, you don't get me. Haha. It's okay. This is just so I can look back and be reminded of how He's slowly moulding and shaping me.

He's still working on me
To make me what I ought to be
It took about a week to make the moon and the stars
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars
How loving and patient He must be
He's still working on me

The simple chorus of a song, containing such a simple truth. He's still working on me. I can't remember the lyrics of the verses tho.

The whole month of October was just a really sobering time for me.

I'm just gonna end here thanking God for something else.

The love of His family.

So thank You, God for the love of Your family.

Roller-Coaster-Ride...

I thank the Lord for encouragement.

"The most important lesson I learnt is not to leave the roller coaster. This roller coaster is God given passion, I knew I was on a wrong roller coaster but now I know it is right. U are there on this ride too... Just relax and enjoy the thrill and the boredom ya maybe a bit of bumpy rails and water splashes."

I came across this today. And today was a time when I really needed it. So thanks for being an encouragement. This is definitely a bumpy rail time and tomorrow will be a water splash time. I will try to chill. To relax. Haha. That's what you always tell me to do.

The Excitement of Giving Back.

I thank God for bringing me home.

So I'm loving giving back to Him. I have been missing that. A lot. But then again, it gave me time to think...who am I Really doing it for? Him? My teammates? Myself? And I know the answer should always be Him. That's why being in the ministry is hard. Coz I haven't reached the level where it's all about Him. I told Him that's what I want. From now onwards. And I believe, Strongly, that He's gonna teach me how. Yes, I'm confident about that. Coz I have the assurance that He will never turn down such a prayer.

It was awesome seeing Him work through the different individuals, as we came together to unite for Him. Not discriminating nationality, denomination, origin...just coming together for Him. Being able to serve alongside them was a real reminder of what I needed to be doing. What I wanted to be doing. I have been giving myself excuses for too long, been telling myself I need to settle down and need to be ready first. When He calls, am I going to tell Him...'Hang on...I need to polish my armour'? This has to change. And it did. I took that first step. And now I'm gonna have to follow up and follow through. There's no other way to say this. I'm excited. Excited about being in the fellowship again, in the ministry again, excited about giving back to Him what He has given to me. Am I ready to be part of what He's stirring up? What He's doing? You bet I am.

It all started with a text. And next thing I knew, I was filled with such joy. Joy that I had three Sundays ago, only this time, much more. I said I'll do it, and I'm glad I did. Being able to just be there once again, giving back to Him...I felt like I was coming home. And I am home.

It's been crazy. I've been struggling with emotions, mindsets....and had to change lots of things, but I believe the whole process was moulding me, and hey, He's still working on me. Mm...I suddenly feel like listening to that a cappella album. Must remember to get it back.

So I'm a normal teenage girl, been down...but He sent people to cheer me up during those times...been homesick, but again, He sent people who are now like family to me...been having a lot to think about, but He has been faithful in showing me that He knows all things and He'll provide. Crazy things have been happening in the past few months.

I just surrendered to Him this morning. Once again. And I am setting my mind to do it every morning. I need to be reminded that He now has control over all aspects of my life. My walk with Him, my family, the music-related stuff, the typical teenage girl stuff...

And now I'll have more time to talk to Him, thanks to Him for public transport.

To consult Him about all the things I'm thinking about...

To ask Him for guidance in the relationships I'm building...in church, in school...

To ask Him for grace, facing each new day, with new challenges...

To ask Him for patience as I go through school....with all the assignments...

To ask Him what to do when I'm spiraling out of control...

To ask Him for wisdom in making decisions daily...

To ask Him for the passion and the drive to persevere and be faithful in the little He has given me so that He can take it and multiply it...

To ask Him for a constant reminder that I just need to cast all my cares upon Him and He will take care of them and of me.

To thank Him for taking care of me and just being in control of my life.

Lord, I Really need Your grace.

By the way, thanks for the 'birthday surprise', guys. Lol. Next time I'll try to be blur, ya? Haha. And to my two dear sisters, thanks for the evening out.

Taking flight...

Thank You God that You've just been...there...putting people in my path to guide me along and all..You've been awesome. As always.

The baby bird has left the nest. To fly (yes, literally FLY) away. Now that I'm actually thinking about it, I really do feel like a baby bird. I've had my test flights, at first with mum and dad, then with just a little supervision...and then on my own for short periods of time, and finally, leave the nest. I still cannot bring myself to add 'permanently' after 'leave the nest'. Coz I still miss the nest. Yes, I get homesick. And dad came to check on me, then he flew off again. So now I'm in my not-so-new-anymore environment, braving the winds that threaten to blow me down, to throw me off-track, telling myself to keep flapping despite all other circumstances.

Above all, God's been so good. He gave me a new home, older ones to watch over me, friends to come around me, encouraging me and taking me in, friends to spur me on when life's pressures come down on me, and He's shown me another branch of His humongous family, a family who has welcomed me and taken me in, demonstrating His unconditional love for me again and again.

It hasn't been easy and I haven't been always strong (though I try to be, or at least appear to be), but He is teaching me new things, giving me new experiences everyday. It's been a free fall so far, and I'm still learning to use the flight feathers that have been growing slowly. I thank God that He didn't just dump me into this situation, but has slowly been equipping and preparing me without me knowing. Sure, the details might have seemed vague at the beginning (a lot of it still is) but I know that He's there. For me. And he won't let the wind toss me around.

He's given me more than I'd ever imagined, more than I've asked for. So I'll be thankful for that coz He knows what's best and no matter how unprepared my mind tells me I am, my soul's gonna choose to rest in Him. But this doesn't mean I can't miss you guys at home. So yea. I do miss all of you. A lot.

My compilation of random thoughts from when i was 'back there'...

I thank God for a great camp.

COFFEE AND CHOCOLATE!!!!! Lol.

Church? No no no...you're coming with me.

Church hasn't changed. And the speaker's the same guy as when I last came. Cool.

Thank you for the autographed CD!!

That girl looks like she's right on the verge of saying "Ladies and gentlemen, since it's taking so long to tune my violin, I've decided to just sing my part for all of you. With piano accompaniment, of course..."

Koschka.

What's that? Oh my...look at those drawings!! Minutes konon....

Bus station idiot.

"Tupperware Gurun..."

Ribena!!!!

My definition of success in my music career would not be how much I earn first and foremost, but how many I can share my love and passion for music with.

A good, long conversation about having a career in music....

HAHA. Student leader's song. Again.

Hokkien mee...char kueh teow...or jian...tau hu chui...wan tan soup...

Swimming lessons again? Haha.

Jazz camp!!!

Ooh...here they are...wow. What great opportunity. Haha...yes, of course they're good. They've made international names in jazz...

Salt peanuts salt peanuts...

Hang on....we're in tune!!!! Wow! So nice...all those chords...wow, we've come quite a ways from where we initially were...LOL!

ding dong ding dong ding dong ding dong ding dong ding dong ding dong ding dong ding dong ding dong ding dong..............you get the picture. Lol.

Nusantara...bollywood...

"It's an indescribable experience...I can't put it into words. You just have to experience it for yourself..."

Ellington!! Amazing music. Then again, isn't it always? Thank you, Mr. Field for always picking wonderful repertoire.

ARRGGGHHHH!!!!!! Keep the time, dude, keep the time!! And watch the conductor while you're at it, will ya?

Hmm....solos not in flute 1 when flute 1 has rests? Odd...

Hello Princess Xena!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow. Now, this is quality. But quality comes with a price. Ah well. One day...some day...

That saxophonist is EVIL. Listening to him makes you feel so lazy...like you just wanna sit and listen to him all day and not do what you have to do and not come in when it's your cue.

MAHLER 1!!!!!!! And I hear Xena!!!!!! Awesomeness.

Bye bye Tune and hello Darby!!

Cannot sleep...thinking...why you tell me NOW????

What? Concert day already? That flew by real quickly.

Yes, thanks for the noodles. We definitely want more.

Second concert day...autograph? Oh, and picture with the bullfrog thing!!!

10 days of intensive flew by so quickly. Thanks, guys. Thank you, Mr. Field. Thank you, Audrey. Thank you, Bostonian Friends. It was great being able to work with all of you...Mr. Fritz Renold(alto sax...and for the Nusantara Suite as well!!), Mr. Christian Jacob(piano), Mr. Randy Brecker(trumpet), Mr.Steve Reid(trumpet...those high notes rock!! But I'll stick to doing them on a piccolo...LOL), Mr. Danny Gottlieb(drums) and last but not least, Mr. Reggie Hamilton(electric and acoustic bass...and thanks for helping me see the other side of things). It was a wonderful, new, eye-opening experience, definitely one that I won't forget in a long, long time.

And of course, thank you God for opportunities like this. Right now, I have a whole lot of growing up to do in the next two weeks I have left.

To my family, I love you all. The rest will be said in the confines of our home. I will definitely miss you all.

To my lecturers, the HL and all the staff, thank you all for a wonderful first semester. And for the concert too.

To the worship ministry, it's truly been a pleasure serving God alongside all of you. Thank you for helping me grow spiritually.

To those who've given me tons of advice regarding my immediate future, I have been thinking about what you have said and yes, I'm taking action. Many thanks for caring enough to help.

To my colleagues, I hope to be with you guys for a long time more, so pray for leniency. It's been great learning from all of you and I hope to be doing much more of that.

Special thanks to my favourite host and roommate!!! I will be back.

To all who are reading this post, thank you for dropping by and reading my ramblings.

PTL!!!

I thank You God for everything You've been doing in my life the past couple of months!!!

I'm awestruck by what God has been doing. Ain't He just so amazing?

Sorry guys, a proper blog post will come when I'm not as baffled by what God is doing as I am now.

Happy Teacher's Day.

Friends Are Friends Forever

I thank God for the chance to know you.

I've got an mp4 player. I put it on shuffle. I start listening to it then my thoughts drift off...and then I remember you. Coz this one song starts playing. Friends are Friends Forever by Michael W. Smith. This is for you.

I've been doing some thinking of late. You could've just been another colleague. You could've just been another passing acquaintance. You could've just been a face without a name. But you're not. You're not just another colleague, not just another passing acquaintance, and definitely not just a face without a name. The year flew by too quickly.

When I reflect on 2009, getting to know you makes one of the marks of the year.

It all started with a smile exchanged. You, the loner. Among so many and yet detached. Me, the girl in the 4-people section. You thought I didn't speak english. I was going nuts trying to settle in. Somehow, glancing around me and seeing a smiling face helped me hold on to my sanity. Reminded me that I wasn't among robots. Gave me a glimmer of hope and maybe even helped calm my jittery nerves. Don't ask me why. I don't know either.

Having someone to talk to during the second camp was crucial. Being able to share my discomfort with someone who was right there in the midst of the situation(not literally, but just...There.), someone who understands my stands and principles, someone who could relate to me, assured me that indeed, God is watching over me and He knows my plight.

By the time we got to the third camp, most things had settled in much better. The inspiration I got to keep me working hard really did its job and sitting down for a meal, being able to relax and exchange words of encouragement and different points of view was really so refreshing, and again, alongside buddies as crazy and wacky as myself(we turned you crazy and wacky too! Mission accomplished!), reassured me that we're still human. Those breaks were good.

The fourth camp? Definitely memorable for all of us. You know it, I know it, we all love Lion Paw's public transportation. Coming back to someplace we are more familiar with, thank you for playing a part in making me watch Avatar. For making me take a break. I do not thank you for making me panic 5 minutes before the movie but I thank you for everything else that happened that day, what with the watch-her-freak-out-like-never-before incident that evening. Thank you for standing by me and for your prayers. Moving on, I Will get you a nice little Rudolph-red-nose one day as a token of gratitude for the trouble you went through with finding the perfect accessory...which of course, amounted to no results whatsoever in the end. It was a crazy camp, one which I will treasure in time to come. By the way, those tracks you emailed me really did help.

It has come a time where this journey has come to a crossroad. We have to go our separate ways, but nonetheless, you will always have a special place in my heart. Being able to share tidbits of my experience walking with the Lord has also really helped me as you share and encourage as well. I pray that you will continue to grow in Him and become a mighty man for His glory. You are unique and God has made you the way you are because He has a divine purpose for you. I will miss you. God protect.

Jie.