A tribute to you.

How do I praise You

When sorrow's so deep?

When pain like a knife cuts?

And I feel so weak?

When even tears fail me -

Yet this I will do

I say to my soul

I will praise You.

I will praise You 'coz You're worthy

For Your mercy everyday

I will praise You for Your loving kindness;

You're good in all Your ways

I will praise You in my darkest hour

I will bless Your name.

Jesus You're making all things new;

I will praise You.

I will remember

All Your goodness to me

You put a new song in my mouth Lord

When You set me free

I will rejoice

For all my springs are in You

So with eyes lifted up to Heaven

I will praise You

She's gone. It hurts. Lord, how do I praise You?

I was home with my parents and sorting through some things. Failure, disappointment, rejection. Then You took her home. I didn't get to say goodbye. So many were asking 'Why?', I was just numb. I tried to put myself in your shoes, tried to comfort others who felt the same loss - I ended up being the one comforted.

Monday, the 10th of June, 2013 and at approximately 1600hrs++. That was when you went home.

In the three years or so that we spent together, you not only came to be part of my life but you let me be part of yours. Being obnoxious together, doing silly things like wearing the same colour just for the fun of it, you helping me through bouts of homesickness, you transitioning from PC to mac, meals we shared here and there, even bringing me into that little group who served during that Indonesia United concert, you didn't quite understand why I had to go all the way to Japan but you supported me nonetheless - it's hard to grasp that you're gone.

This post is harder to write than I thought it would be.

I remember how you'd encourage me to play more. You were one of the first in our little family to see me in a public performance. I have a second chance now. You'll watch up there with our Father, won't you?

The talks we had, about simple things, sometimes even what seemed trivial to others. You never went off on the whole 'Your World' thing. At least I don't remember you saying that. You watched me grow, you helped me grow in some ways. You told me it's okay to cry. You shared your own experiences and I couldn't help but wonder if you had someone like you when you first came. You were compassionate even to your last breath.

At only 28, you impacted people. You left your mark. You made a difference. That's the only reason why we feel such a loss at your return to our Father.

Journey: Destination Paradise. Paradise is where you are, dear Kak. You spent my first birthday here with me and you never said no to meeting up. You pressed to know what was going on with me even when I was clamming up.

That space that you occupy in my heart...you will always be there. I wonder - if I ask God to pass you a message, would He?

Thank you for being a mentor. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for being an elder sister and a role model. Thank you for never tiring of listening to me and offering wisdom in advice, or even just for praying for me when you didn't quite know what to say. Thank you for everything.

I miss you.