Prodding my Cheena Roots.

There's much to be thankful for, and among them is my getting a little more in touch with my roots during my recent trip to Singapore.

Sure, the bus was delayed. There was a huge confusion about the designated bus not being the one we were on because 'it's a new bus'. I don't understand it either. I did eventually get to Singapore, a couple of hours later than planned, but safe. I had an interesting chat with a gentleman who, as it turns out, was more than happy to share culinary discoveries he's made from observing chefs at work. Now, if only I had my own kitchen were I was free to experiment...

Picking out the Mura for K was pretty straightforward, and as always, visits to the workshop are always filled with learning new things. I also managed to get some supplies for flute repair...I shall need to see about that. Right now, I'm really really contemplating getting the director's repair kit from JL Smith. The only thing that's holding me back is the currency conversion. Meh. I'll eventually talk myself into getting it. I think. I did have an offer from a certain dear person to fund my relatively newfound interest in fixer upper things. I might end up taking that offer. Who knows?

I'm more and more convinced (do I really need more convincing at this point?) that MuRa is the way to go. I wouldn't recommend the same to everyone - each is unique in its own right. There's always new ground to explore, new experiences and the best part is being able to carve out a MuRa experience that's my own. I can honestly say that I truly am content with this MuRa relationship.

Soundscapes. Again, I got to visit the chinese orchestra (and yumcha with some of the people later - they're a great bunch!). This time though, I started noticing more differences and it's gotten me pretty excited about wanting to explore the eastern counterpart to the flute - the dizi. Not being able to read chinese is a setback, one that I'm working to rectify. The writing is very different from what I know to be characteristic of the concert flute, and the dizi itself - where do I begin?

Some of the bigger differences I noted this time were the way different octaves are played. On the dizi, I'm told that it's more to do with the angle of the air rather than solely dependent on the speed of the air as it is with the concert (western) flute. That doesn't make up all of it - there's still the similarity of air control when talking about tuning.

The hold and support points are completely different. I'm not used to it (I don't have a dizi to practice on at this point), but I now begin to understand why certain students of mine find certain holds more 'normal' for them and yet doesn't make sense to me.

The next will probably be the most difficult for me to adjust. The distance of the player's fingers from the keys. Being keyless, the difference made when having the fingers hover over the fingerholes versus held high on the dizi is BIG. Most of my doodling sounded flat for the very reason that i have my fingers really really close to the fingerholes. There's also the flat fingers versus the curved fingers that I'm so used to. Hmm.

I'd say that the tendencies of the flute are somewhere between the northern and southern styles of the dizi. The northern characteristically requires a lot more attack with the tongue, while the southern is more melodious (and very much more heavily ornamented - I realise this is piling it on, but really, it is that much more). There are certain lilts and nuances in dizi writing that are not so common on the flute. A lot more bird-like.

Projection-wise, the dizi carries better despite being made from bamboo - and my reasoning tells me that the dimo is largely responsible for this. The flute, while it projects and shimmers, would find difficulty in topping the brightness of the dizi. The dimo is a pretty interesting little thing. An extremely powerful resonator. Also highly temperamental. I did feel less dependent on my diaphragm when fiddling around on the dizi though. I'm not entirely sure if that's just because I didn't feel the freedom to really explore.

These are just a bunch of preliminary thoughts, so not extremely detailed, but enough to get me started and get me thinking.

I came home and got to tell my mum a little bit about it. She told me that it's good and I should pick up a Cheena instrument, since that's where my roots are. It's funny how I'm only picking up interest now. Lots to think about. I'd say that my dear TC has a big part to play in that. Thank you, love :)

2015.

It is nearing the end of yet another year. It feels like it's flown by. My mum asked me to think of three things I'm thankful for, so very briefly, here they are.


One.

I'm thankful for family and the fact that no matter what, they take me in and let me pick myself up. I know my parents love me. I'm blessed with a wonderful family. Being based at home has its downsides though. there's always a fine line between 'but you're my child' and 'you're an adult now'. That line gets crossed so many times. I love my parents to bits, and I know they want the best for me. But as has been my tune, I'm restless and there's this want to get back out there and stand on my own.

For the new year, there's a lot more growing ahead of me. I think the day that I stop growing in character will be le morte d'Chara. I believe that character makes a person. Much more than the outward appearance or the farce that so many of us put on or water down in front of others. I'll admit that in the process of my pulling myself back together, walls have also come up to 'guard myself'. I don't know if this is a good thing in the sense that I'm concerning myself less and less with what people think, or if it's a bad thing because I'm reevaluating my friendships.


Two.

I'm thankful for being blessed with the ability and opportunity to pick up new things.

I started the year with the revival of my snail mail correspondence, and with that came the reintroduction to fountain pens. This isn't something I see myself spending hundreds of dollars on, and I must say that I am quite content with the collection I have now (oops!). Perhaps I'll look into better paper or something. Hmm...

Then there's the Flute Repair 101 which has come extremely handy in the maintenance of both my students' flutes and mine, and provided an additional source of income. I've really enjoyed tinkering with adjustments and regulation - and am really blessed with technicians who are willing to help with my troubleshooting despite being ~450 mi away. These guys provide wonderful service and I have never been disappointed. They are honest and ever ready to help. Being able to learn from them has truly been an honour, one that I don't take lightly.

I also managed to pick up crocheting and worked on a couple of projects, where if my interpretations are accurate, have been sources of much joy and smiles. These projects also helped keep me sane through the seven weeks I experienced being a relief teacher. There was much reward from that, seeing the students and still hearing tales of how they are progressing in school and out of school.

The other major thing I'd like to toss into the mix is something I've been talking about through the later half of the year. I crossed paths with a man who, in his humility and wit, refers to himself as a 'bofessional'. Again, with him, there's always a freedom to troubleshoot, always an open door to learn. I haven't done all that many events with him - just two so far, and the latter was him jumping in voluntarily to help because I had no other backup and I still didn't feel comfortable enough to handle an event on my own. We're not just talking Sunday mixes. He made sure that his assistant was there together with him, and it was a good thing too, since there was an issue with our lightning arrester and the power kept going out. There is much more to learn, which I hope to do some of in the coming year.

Funnily enough, all these things I'm picking up seem to be on the slightly more costly side. Lol. I'm starting to see the figures adding up and next year is going to require some careful budgeting.


Three.

I'm thankful for the relationships that have grown and blossomed over the past year. Sure, I still don't feel like this is home, but nonetheless, there have been different individuals who have gotten close enough to share experiences with me. I can only pray that I can be as much of a blessing to them as they are to me.

I remember asking for someone I could respect, who respects me for who I am and not just a part of me. Everyone's working on building character. I'm no exception to that. You're no exception to that. But the fact that you're willing to grow and learn together with me? That's something that I'm delighted to work with. I'm glad that we've been able to influence each other and expand our spheres of learning. I'm glad that you choose to recognise and respect my views and that we can talk about things. I'm glad that with you, I can look forward and not dwell on past failures. I'm thankful for you.


In the coming year, I am anticipating a major change, something I had expected to happen this year but due to certain circumstances, could not. There are goals to be met, things to be refined, and more character to be built. I hope to be able to step out beyond the safety of my family home and see what's out there for me. I'm looking forward to people and places and experiences. Not in the this-is-my-bucket-list kind of way. I don't have a bucket list. I think. More of the I'm-growing-up-to-be-a-fine-young-lady kind of way.

Onward!

Last Saturday...

I am thankful for opportunities, learning experiences and people who are more than willing to teach and share.

Lately I've been getting more and more into audio tech and sound engineering - or rather I've become more interested in said field. Yes, it's very male dominated. Whether there are reasons for that or whether it's just that there aren't enough females around who bother, I don't know, but this female right here has found herself finding interest in various technical and mechanical things.

It started from me wanting to understand what goes on behind the board, rather than merely making demands for things to sound a certain way. There are limits to what machines can do, and a soundboard is no exception. The little taste I got during that one module in college was not enough to satiate me. As I find myself growing less fond of being onstage, I find myself growing more fond of being behind the scenes.

Six days ago, I was given an opportunity to be part of a team for an event that was happening at one of the concert halls. Naturally, I jumped at it. I don't claim to know a whole lot about how things work - much of my learning of the soundboard has happened just like my learning crochet. I dive right in and figure things out as I go along. Most of the time, I don't know what exactly I'm doing. I don't have the ground knowledge and I don't claim to have it. It doesn't stop me from wanting to learn.

We started out by having to write a channel list based on the equipment we had and whatever else we needed. This was an email assignment. Having no clue whatsoever but my own deductions, I ran a quick search via the 'net and read up about what a channel list was. Better to be a fool for five minutes than a fool for life, right? I wrote up my channel list and emailed it to Boss along with a note explaining that I wasn't sure if what I had done was what he wanted, but for him to please do correct my work. Boss was nice enough to reply positively, attaching the channel list of one of the other guys on the team.

Following that was a songlist, and we were told to listen to the tracks and make notes that would help us when mixing. This was much like the analyses I had to do back in college, but on a less complicated scale.

Then things got professional and intercom apps were talked about...this is when I semi-panicked. I don't have a smartphone. Yes, I could probably stick with someone else...I dropped Boss a message. Boss was super cool about it and told me not to worry, just make sure I'm there on time. I still tried to think of a solution though, and thank God for little sisters and mums and friends. My friend drove me back home, I borrowed little sister's iPhone because she wasn't using it for the day, and mum's powerbank. (Sidenote: Time to upgrade my phone? Still debating on this one.)

Getting to the venue was no problem, and soon the intercom app got set up and I was feeling a little bit (okay a lot) professional. Duties were designated and I got to play at being a stage manager. Again, I freaked, because 'what on earth does a stage manager do????'

By the end of the night, I had learnt so much and was wiped out from the whole 'being on my toes the whole time' thing. With the help of one of the other guys, I wound up a really long Cat-5 cable and that was that. Cat-5 cables make things so easy to manage.

Days later, I'm still thinking about the whole thing. It's always interesting to play different roles and understand why each is needed. Having majored in music performance, I know what it's like onstage. I discovered in the course of my studies that I don't like being in the spotlight. I much prefer collective work - orchestral work is among that. I like things that work in teams. Perhaps that's also why I'm taking a liking to sound-related stuff. Not only do I get to understand what goes on behind the board, but I get to work with others to produce the results. And it requires me to use my ears and troubleshoot. Being a stage manager requires a lot of attention to the program flow and the managing of people, whether it's a team of crew or telling to performers to get onstage and being alert to anything and everything that could go wrong onstage. My role in this event was the former and the latter. Not so much the middle. I don't know if I would repeat the experience given a choice, but at the same time, I don't dispute that I learnt a lot from getting to see things from a different angle.

DY, the guy on the board, was pretty cool to work with also. He was extremely encouraging, and willing to share software that will be helpful in running sound for events or services. I'm actually really really looking forward to more that I can learn, which Boss is currently arranging for.

Needless to say, I'm excited.

On a different note, I hit my 50k. Thanks TC for setting the pace. Frankly, I don't think I would have made it if not for wanting to keep up with you. And you went at breakneck speed. =.= But really. Thank you. :)

Also, I now have 29 days.

Do you remember - oh wait. It's November.

It's November. The year seems to be passing so quickly. Too quickly, almost. Hi-5 if you're still grooving to September by EWF.

I'm thankful that my new book got here (be nice to me mwahahahahaha). I'm thankful that I'm well on my way to complete the 50k target. I'm thankful that I seem to be making more significant progress in the physical department. Let's hope the next one is it?

I seem to be making milestones in my kitchen prowess. Allow me to elaborate.

I baked two banana cakes just under a week ago. One after the other. When I bake more than one cake within a day, it usually means the cake(s) is(are) being given away. And this time it was to a doctor friend who has been helping grandpa with his recovery, making housecalls late into the evening after surgery/a full day at the hospital. Favour is what it is.

I baked the two cakes (I know I'm repeating this. Shhhh.) and both times, was rewarded with this surge of pride and contentment. With this recipe, it is often that the batter ends up separating. That's how I've been making it my whole life because I didn't know any better. Having gleaned more knowledge over the years though, it has been my personal mission to make sure the batter doesn't separate. For any cake I make. It's really a test with this recipe. The result is a tender yet crumbly, moist, and less sweet banana cake than what you find in the cake shops. Fine crumb? Not at all. Buried all through the cake are banana bits, where the bananas are mashed with a fork, so they're not entirely pureed. I use overripe bananas so that contributes part of the sweetness, and I reduce the sugar by quite a bit.

Both times when I mixed up the batter, creaming the standard butter, sugar and vanilla, then adding the eggs...I got a smooth, silky texture, almost buttercream-like. See, Chef A taught me this trick to help stabilise the batter so separation can be prevented. But even when doing this with this particular recipe, the batter is still prone to separating. There has almost never been a time that I can remember where it didn't. This time though, both times, there was zero separation. This can only mean one thing. There was no under or overbeating. The timing was near perfect.

Both cakes rose and browned, and the top crust was the way it should be. A nice crisp that strangely complements the tender, crumbly, moist goodness with each bite, with surprise bits of fruit. No soggy crust. No walnuts either, since they're expensive and the cake is good without them anyway. And of course, my little cinnamon bun monster is strangely allergic to walnuts. Just walnuts. The cake was sliced, and half of it gone before even sitting to cool for half an hour.

No separation! Whee~~~~~~

It's an achievement okay. Stop looking at me like that.

Another achievement in the kitchen was the day right after that when mum turned to me and said:

"Cut the turnip for stirfry please."
"Uhhhh mum. You want me to cut the turnip?"
"Yup."
"You sure?"

Just a bit of backstory so you'll understand. Cutting the turnip for stirfry means finely julienne. This was a test my mum had to go through to gain her late mother-in-law's (yes, my late Ah Ma) approval in the kitchen. Everything else was easy. This though. Working with a bulky turnip on a little wood chopping block and a knife. To finely julienne is no easy task. Cannot grate. Not allowed. Mum's never 'trusted' be enough to entrust this task to me. I've been practicing with other things like ginger and carrots and onions...so for her to ask me is a huge deal. To me at least. I've never attempted jiu hu char when cooking alone. For fear of the finely julienned turnip requirement.

"Yes, I'm sure. Faster la."

So I start on the tedious, looming task of finely julienning the turnip. One filled stainless steel bowl later, I'm done. With no slicing of fingernails or fingers. Blood free.

"Uh mum? Can pass ah?"

She peers over. Doesn't say anything.

Nuts.

Later on as she's frying the turnip, she turns to me.

"Good job. Pass."

Oh the relief and the joy bursting forth from my innermost wanting-to-be-good-in-the-kitchen being! And the elation at my efforts and skills being declared adequate. I could weep for joy! Only I didn't actually weep. But I'm happy!

And now I need to stop typing because my eyes are starting to hurt from staring at this font. I'm also taking a break from the whole 50k endeavour. Let's see how long this 'break' lasts. Lol.

Ps. Now I really really really know I passed the julienne test because a few hours after I penned this blurb, mum told me to go julienne twenty shallots to make you chang. Again, no casualty fingers or fingernails. Yay!

October?

After much deliberation...
I caved. I gave in. I did it.





















And now, the waiting game.

Also, 50k words. Let's see how this plays out. Oh Lord, give me inspiration.

Moving forward

This month (especially), I'm thankful for the people in my life who take the time to invest and actually take an interest in my life and let me share theirs.

Life is sweeter when you get to share it with others. This month, as with the family birthday tradition, I had AC and family over to share a steamboat dinner and a time of appreciation. It was an encouraging time, and my (not so) Baby sister threw a challenge out there for me. It's certainly been a month where some change has been sparked, not the specific change I was hoping for, but definitely a step closer there.

New gear. This is never easy for me because I take aaaaaaaages to transition over to new gear. (I never really transitioned over to my second machine when I was in college, and it took a good two years or so till I actually retired the old mac.) The new backpack is sweet, but not as 'solid' as the current one. My Trusty Turtle Shell is falling apart. It's been almost six years. End of last year though, a new backpack was acquired...and it's Laptop Compatible. The transition over has been happening. The backpack also came with a tag I thought was really really cute to 'certify' that it is indeed Laptop Compatible. That said - I kept the tag.

Related to that, since my TTS normally carries one of my boys...on the flute front, the BF and I are getting along just fine, and BF has a new friend now. The new count for GUOs on this little Hawker Paradise island is now two. Ed's been quite comfortable and gets to visit with my students with me. Mr. James doesn't get out much, but when he does, he does alright. It also feels good when I successfully solve flute problems for my students. Technical problems, that is.

In other news, MuRa is doing great. We're spending more time and we're making good progress. We've been expanding the range of our repertoire and working on some finer details with some consideration for a little more direction for the near future.

I think there comes a place in life where one starts to want to share what used to be places of solitude and/or comfort with another. It's creeping up on me. It feels...interesting.

It's nice working towards goals, however small they may be. Next up, Mission55.

September approaches. Yes, it does.

My thoughts are pretty fragmented, so please, bear with me.

I spent the weekend away from here because my brother graduated. Yup. He made it. And I am an extremely proud sister. I'm really happy that he made it.

Sometimes I feel it's odd because I seem to be a little bit ahead of him. I don't mean that in a bad way - let me try to clarify a little. I left home for LL to join the rat race and pursue further studies and all that. I remember walking in to the finance office of his uni one day because he needed to make a payment prior to his being physically there. The finance officer was nice, and he ended up asking me if I was the elder sister. I smiled and responded with a negative. At that time, I was just a younger sister, proud of her brother.

Kor has always been closer to my heart than my other siblings. Maybe it's because we are but a year apart, perhaps it's because mum and dad used to put him in charge of me. Whatever it was, I love him. And I'm proud of him.

As I sat in the auditorium, getting misty eyed one too many times, I was filled with this overwhelming sense of pride that my brother made it. The others in his cohort were just names. But my brother? He made it. It was difficult, it was stressful. There were hiccups along the way, but he made it. Then the thought that he'd step into the working world hit.

The transition from student to working person wasn't that big a jolt for me, perhaps because I was already doing part time work that was essentially what I ended up doing after my 'studies'. I realise that the work environment for most fields of study is quite different and it takes some getting used to. I'm blessed with what I do - I've been anticipating the same for as long as I can remember. I wonder at how Kor will adjust to such a different work environment from what he has been used to all these years of study.

My brother made it. All of a sudden, these 'adult' decisions start to become more real. I don't know what is out there but I'm thankful that he gets to move to the next stage. As he prepares for his interviews and (hopefully) moves into a new place by the end of the week, I start to reflect on and appreciate the relationships that I built while I was there in LL.

My brother has got friends, don't get me wrong. Me? This oddball made friends. This oddball found a family. This oddball also got found. This oddball grew to love LL.

My time in LL certainly made me grow and mature. I'm starting to get restless where I am now. I believe that there are times when we have to step away to heal and to regroup and restrategise. That time came, and is, but I find myself straining forward.

Perhaps September will bring new things?