Some days I don't feel like trying, some days I want to just give up.
It has been an extremely tough week. Two weeks, even. Looking ahead to the week that is to come, I don't know what to expect anymore.
Words unformed, hope forlorn.
Did I do the right thing?
My stand is justified. It doesn't mean though that I'd break my commitment. A commitment, once made, should be followed through till the end. I'd talk to someone about it but I don't know how.
Words unformed, hope forlorn.
Have I missed out on what could have been the open door?
Exciting things happened today, but perhaps as the day draws to a close, the unfortunate events overshadow the little way ahead I have come. Two little steps forward, halted by...I don't even know anymore.
Words unformed, hope forlorn.
I don't want a pity party. I want this to turn around. Soon. Really really soon.
It's a Playlist7 kind of night. Hello '70s and Sugarland.
I'm glad I got that off my chest. Not necessarily how I had wanted to, but hey. It's out there now. I can breathe easier. Maybe.
Sunday, April 26, 2015
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
Hash time.
I'm thankful for the job I have :)
In just short of a weeks' time, I'll be starting temporarily 'full-time-ish' with this school I've been with as a substitute teacher. Just for eight weeks. It's a position that I'd never dreamed of having, mostly because I don't want to be tied down to a school syllabus. Nonetheless, I'm truly looking forward to this as a learning experience. Another deep end of the pool thing for me. (I seem to have a penchant for attracting situations of this nature.) At the same time, I'm glad this is not a permanent thing.
Teaching music independently is very very different. The majority of people don't understand why - to them it's all still teaching, right? While that's true, it's more the circumstances that are different. I had the opportunity last week to chat with a friend who's also having to explain and defend why she is not wanting to take up a different full-time-ish teaching position at an education centre. This gal and I - we sing the same tune.
It's simple, really, but only if you see it from the same viewpoint. I don't know if we're just odd for taking this angle of if others truly cannot comprehend. Then again, I'm odd. And weird. And eccentric. So read on if you will, stop here if you're just looking to argue and bash me down.
If I were to take a teaching job at an education centre, I would have things like lesson plans, curriculum meetings, an HOD to report to (oh, and all the higher-ups from there on up), reports to write, lots and lots and lots of marking to do (it's difficult enough for me to adjust to this system where I can't outrightly mark the student wrong) - the list goes on.
Then you tell me that I can take the job because hey, all my music students come in the afternoon...right? The thing is, with all this planning and marking and meetings...will I actually have enough energy to teach late into the evenings? You tell me that by taking this position I put myself out there and more people will know me so I'll inadvertently gain more students - hold up. If I had more students on top of this teaching position, where on earth am I going to find the time to slot them in? How sustainable do you think this will end up being in the long run?
Now read that, and then look at this.
As an independent music tutor, I still get the perks of journeying with the kids - and even some adult-esque students. I get to choose my own times, and maintain a fairly flexible schedule. I still get the perks of watching students achieve little goals. At the same time, I have the freedom to tap on each students' strength and use various methods to tackle the weaknesses of the same. I'm not constricted by time and a syllabus that says I have to teach 'all that' in the span of three months, five months, or even an entire school year. I tell my kids (yes, this is how I think of them affectionately) that it's okay if they take a little longer on the foundations. There are times I tell kids to leave a piece alone and not touch it for a week or two. I get uninterrupted one-on-one time with the kid and we get to do some pretty crazy things with music and flute playing. We get to rock out cute little duets and listen for harmonies. We get to do long tones for the entire lesson - and then when all the proper foundations are set, we can set targets, be they marked by repertoire, or overcoming performance anxieties and the like.
There are little pockets of time when my kids share their struggles in school with me, or when they just ask me silly questions. They may get distracted, but at the end of the day, what I find rewarding is that each of them have their own unique individual journeys and I get to be part of that on a closer level than what I would have teaching a class of 16 kids.
I was never a great student - I was lazy. But my flute tutor found a way to tap on my inner student and she really took time to bring the best out in me. I vaguely recall the times when she'd push me till I cried, but more vividly, I remember her walking with me, I remember the times when she'd just hang out with me and share parts of her life when she was learning the flute, or even when she was a music student with me.
She went the extra mile, and she taught me to love playing the flute. She taught me to be a musician, and not just one who attempted to play the notes off of a page. She showed me firsthand what a tutor should be. The amazing lady that she is.
For that, I am forever grateful to her and only hope that I am able to take after her example, and come even remotely close to being who she was to me, to my kids.
A bit of the random: Poke me, I'll deflate. Wanna take a guess?
In just short of a weeks' time, I'll be starting temporarily 'full-time-ish' with this school I've been with as a substitute teacher. Just for eight weeks. It's a position that I'd never dreamed of having, mostly because I don't want to be tied down to a school syllabus. Nonetheless, I'm truly looking forward to this as a learning experience. Another deep end of the pool thing for me. (I seem to have a penchant for attracting situations of this nature.) At the same time, I'm glad this is not a permanent thing.
Teaching music independently is very very different. The majority of people don't understand why - to them it's all still teaching, right? While that's true, it's more the circumstances that are different. I had the opportunity last week to chat with a friend who's also having to explain and defend why she is not wanting to take up a different full-time-ish teaching position at an education centre. This gal and I - we sing the same tune.
It's simple, really, but only if you see it from the same viewpoint. I don't know if we're just odd for taking this angle of if others truly cannot comprehend. Then again, I'm odd. And weird. And eccentric. So read on if you will, stop here if you're just looking to argue and bash me down.
If I were to take a teaching job at an education centre, I would have things like lesson plans, curriculum meetings, an HOD to report to (oh, and all the higher-ups from there on up), reports to write, lots and lots and lots of marking to do (it's difficult enough for me to adjust to this system where I can't outrightly mark the student wrong) - the list goes on.
Then you tell me that I can take the job because hey, all my music students come in the afternoon...right? The thing is, with all this planning and marking and meetings...will I actually have enough energy to teach late into the evenings? You tell me that by taking this position I put myself out there and more people will know me so I'll inadvertently gain more students - hold up. If I had more students on top of this teaching position, where on earth am I going to find the time to slot them in? How sustainable do you think this will end up being in the long run?
Now read that, and then look at this.
As an independent music tutor, I still get the perks of journeying with the kids - and even some adult-esque students. I get to choose my own times, and maintain a fairly flexible schedule. I still get the perks of watching students achieve little goals. At the same time, I have the freedom to tap on each students' strength and use various methods to tackle the weaknesses of the same. I'm not constricted by time and a syllabus that says I have to teach 'all that' in the span of three months, five months, or even an entire school year. I tell my kids (yes, this is how I think of them affectionately) that it's okay if they take a little longer on the foundations. There are times I tell kids to leave a piece alone and not touch it for a week or two. I get uninterrupted one-on-one time with the kid and we get to do some pretty crazy things with music and flute playing. We get to rock out cute little duets and listen for harmonies. We get to do long tones for the entire lesson - and then when all the proper foundations are set, we can set targets, be they marked by repertoire, or overcoming performance anxieties and the like.
There are little pockets of time when my kids share their struggles in school with me, or when they just ask me silly questions. They may get distracted, but at the end of the day, what I find rewarding is that each of them have their own unique individual journeys and I get to be part of that on a closer level than what I would have teaching a class of 16 kids.
I was never a great student - I was lazy. But my flute tutor found a way to tap on my inner student and she really took time to bring the best out in me. I vaguely recall the times when she'd push me till I cried, but more vividly, I remember her walking with me, I remember the times when she'd just hang out with me and share parts of her life when she was learning the flute, or even when she was a music student with me.
She went the extra mile, and she taught me to love playing the flute. She taught me to be a musician, and not just one who attempted to play the notes off of a page. She showed me firsthand what a tutor should be. The amazing lady that she is.
For that, I am forever grateful to her and only hope that I am able to take after her example, and come even remotely close to being who she was to me, to my kids.
A bit of the random: Poke me, I'll deflate. Wanna take a guess?
Saturday, March 7, 2015
Mushrooms!
I thank the Lord for mushrooms!
Mushrooms are amazing. And they're so good. Judge me if you must - and yes, I know that not everyone likes the earthy-slightly chewy character that mushrooms add to a dish. But I like them. Especially when they're done right. So juicy and succulent.
I remember first having marinated mushrooms the day I arrived in KSL - Aunty E had picked me up at the airport and after we dropped my bags back at the condo, we headed to the little café she owned. The chef made me a sandwich for lunch. It was a chicken salad sandwich on freshly baked walnut bread, and the chicken salad was topped with half a baked herbed tomato, sliced marinated mushrooms, pickled Japanese cucumbers and half a carmelised onion, . My very first 'gourmet sandwich'. There was a side of salad, but meh. As the days went by, that became my go-to sandwich each time I was there. They'd pile on the mushrooms even without me asking. After a week or so, I got my hands on one of their mushroom puffs. Kind of like the curry puffs I'm so used to, only bigger, and filled with marinated mushrooms before they were baked. I couldn't understand why they didn't sell out the minute they came out of the oven. But hey, that meant I got to have a couple. So that was a good thing...right?
One morning, I tagged along for Aunty E's marketing run. At her veggie supplier's stall, I was greeted by cartons of fresh white button mushrooms. I remember gingerly picking one up and bringing it close to inhale its earthy scent, feeling its soft silkiness. That was the day Aunty E taught me to select mushrooms.
From there, the mushroom swiss became my favourite BK burger, and I'd go for almost any pasta al funghi. Or any cheese bake with mushrooms in it. The discovery of the mushroom and caesar chicken wrap had me wanting to make my own, and so out came research mode and the journey to the best ever marinated mushrooms. Again, this is subjective. I won't judge you for not sharing the same opinion. There was the research done on the caesar dressing too, and I eventually found one that I really liked. I just didn't make it all that often because to me, the mushrooms made all the difference in that wrap.
Then there are the delightful little hors d'œuvres that I got to sample during that brief two-day stint as an amateur barista. Chef A, to whom I accredit part of my keen interest in French patisserie to, made a varied selection of canapés and those were sold to the guests and artists alike during that one event. Stuffed mushroom caps, bruschetta that was topped with marinated mushrooms and a little salsa and the lightest sprinkle of parmesan...and so on. It was also during this event that Chef A started sharing more of his knowledge with me, beyond just the few pastry and other dessert selections we had at the café. That was when the troubleshooting really began. Some said he was temperamental, difficult to get along with, but with me, he has been ever willing to share and advise, to brainstorm and create. Chef's a cool guy. I'm thankful for him :)
Breaded mushrooms. Little golden deep fried wonders. Done right, they are crunchy on the outside and then tender and juicy on the inside. Couple that with a slightly spicy dip and you're good to go - well to be honest, I normally don't even get to the dip. They are so good on their own! Portabellos are great for this, or we could go with the Taiwan street food variation with the batter-fried oyster or straw mushrooms tossed in spicy-salty goodness post-fry. (Tip: eat them with no utensils, because you get to lick the yumminess off after!) Back to portabellos though, there have also been some good memories shared with various friends over deep fried breaded portabellos on various occasions. There's also nothing like a tastefully grilled portabello topping a well seasoned ground beef patty. The kind you can only get when you make it with experience.
At the risk of being labeled long-winded, I'm going to venture into one more faucet of mushrooms...the chinese mushrooms. The dried sort. Soak them and make mushroom stew. Stew them for hours. Or soak them and throw them into bak kut teh over a slow fire, let that simmer. Slice them up and put them in mixed veg stir-frys, or chop them up and mix that into the meat mixture that one stuffs into potstickers.
Mushrooms are versatile. Okay maybe they are not the most versatile ingredient, but I really really really really really like mushrooms. I also really like potatoes. And rice. Rice shouldn't be a side dish...in most situations. Rawr. To each their own.
Mushrooms are amazing. And they're so good. Judge me if you must - and yes, I know that not everyone likes the earthy-slightly chewy character that mushrooms add to a dish. But I like them. Especially when they're done right. So juicy and succulent.
I remember first having marinated mushrooms the day I arrived in KSL - Aunty E had picked me up at the airport and after we dropped my bags back at the condo, we headed to the little café she owned. The chef made me a sandwich for lunch. It was a chicken salad sandwich on freshly baked walnut bread, and the chicken salad was topped with half a baked herbed tomato, sliced marinated mushrooms, pickled Japanese cucumbers and half a carmelised onion, . My very first 'gourmet sandwich'. There was a side of salad, but meh. As the days went by, that became my go-to sandwich each time I was there. They'd pile on the mushrooms even without me asking. After a week or so, I got my hands on one of their mushroom puffs. Kind of like the curry puffs I'm so used to, only bigger, and filled with marinated mushrooms before they were baked. I couldn't understand why they didn't sell out the minute they came out of the oven. But hey, that meant I got to have a couple. So that was a good thing...right?
One morning, I tagged along for Aunty E's marketing run. At her veggie supplier's stall, I was greeted by cartons of fresh white button mushrooms. I remember gingerly picking one up and bringing it close to inhale its earthy scent, feeling its soft silkiness. That was the day Aunty E taught me to select mushrooms.
From there, the mushroom swiss became my favourite BK burger, and I'd go for almost any pasta al funghi. Or any cheese bake with mushrooms in it. The discovery of the mushroom and caesar chicken wrap had me wanting to make my own, and so out came research mode and the journey to the best ever marinated mushrooms. Again, this is subjective. I won't judge you for not sharing the same opinion. There was the research done on the caesar dressing too, and I eventually found one that I really liked. I just didn't make it all that often because to me, the mushrooms made all the difference in that wrap.
Then there are the delightful little hors d'œuvres that I got to sample during that brief two-day stint as an amateur barista. Chef A, to whom I accredit part of my keen interest in French patisserie to, made a varied selection of canapés and those were sold to the guests and artists alike during that one event. Stuffed mushroom caps, bruschetta that was topped with marinated mushrooms and a little salsa and the lightest sprinkle of parmesan...and so on. It was also during this event that Chef A started sharing more of his knowledge with me, beyond just the few pastry and other dessert selections we had at the café. That was when the troubleshooting really began. Some said he was temperamental, difficult to get along with, but with me, he has been ever willing to share and advise, to brainstorm and create. Chef's a cool guy. I'm thankful for him :)
Breaded mushrooms. Little golden deep fried wonders. Done right, they are crunchy on the outside and then tender and juicy on the inside. Couple that with a slightly spicy dip and you're good to go - well to be honest, I normally don't even get to the dip. They are so good on their own! Portabellos are great for this, or we could go with the Taiwan street food variation with the batter-fried oyster or straw mushrooms tossed in spicy-salty goodness post-fry. (Tip: eat them with no utensils, because you get to lick the yumminess off after!) Back to portabellos though, there have also been some good memories shared with various friends over deep fried breaded portabellos on various occasions. There's also nothing like a tastefully grilled portabello topping a well seasoned ground beef patty. The kind you can only get when you make it with experience.
At the risk of being labeled long-winded, I'm going to venture into one more faucet of mushrooms...the chinese mushrooms. The dried sort. Soak them and make mushroom stew. Stew them for hours. Or soak them and throw them into bak kut teh over a slow fire, let that simmer. Slice them up and put them in mixed veg stir-frys, or chop them up and mix that into the meat mixture that one stuffs into potstickers.
Mushrooms are versatile. Okay maybe they are not the most versatile ingredient, but I really really really really really like mushrooms. I also really like potatoes. And rice. Rice shouldn't be a side dish...in most situations. Rawr. To each their own.
Thursday, March 5, 2015
Go, little plane, go!
Go, little plane, go!
Spread your wings and soar
Till you're a blip in the sky -
but keep safe that love of mine.
Go, little plane, go!
Alas! I cannot rhyme -
Aiyo. I'll just pick you up on the map and take a second to move you 10cm and you're there la. Hou mou?
Spread your wings and soar
Till you're a blip in the sky -
but keep safe that love of mine.
Go, little plane, go!
Alas! I cannot rhyme -
Aiyo. I'll just pick you up on the map and take a second to move you 10cm and you're there la. Hou mou?
Monday, March 2, 2015
Not too far gone~~~
I thank God for times like this when He reassures me that I'm not too far gone.
I've always felt less than my siblings. They're all academically inclined - brilliant individuals. Me? A non-graduate, non-scholarship holder, my highest qualification being high school. I moved down to the second class in my two final years in high school. I was an average student. Still am...maybe?
Over the past week it's been up and down. Then I remembered something the Baby-Sister-Growing-Up-To-Be-Pretty-Wise (See? How to compare like that...) said. She picked this up somewhere - On a heart monitor, the lines go up and down. So if you don't have ups and downs in life, you'd be dead.
Without the downs...I wouldn't have settled on my newly favourited 3-in-1 coffee so yeah, something good came out of that. Tsk. It's not all about the coffee (though it was nice to have AC who I got to enjoy a cuppa with at the end of my day in school today).
My firstvictim casualty was had yesterday. There was such a sense of accomplishment as I worked on the poor abused dear because I managed to make things better! It felt nice and professional to set up my work station and maintain the tidy as I worked, and it took me a little over an hour to get things to my satisfaction and put something I had learnt into practice. The tools from JLS, my notes from the repair course organised by ST/MG/WW. I'm looking forward to more of these cases! It's neat how I may not be great when it comes to acads but I have the hands for these fixer-upper things. Maybe it's God's way of teaching me that things end up balancing out?
I've always felt less than my siblings. They're all academically inclined - brilliant individuals. Me? A non-graduate, non-scholarship holder, my highest qualification being high school. I moved down to the second class in my two final years in high school. I was an average student. Still am...maybe?
Over the past week it's been up and down. Then I remembered something the Baby-Sister-Growing-Up-To-Be-Pretty-Wise (See? How to compare like that...) said. She picked this up somewhere - On a heart monitor, the lines go up and down. So if you don't have ups and downs in life, you'd be dead.
My first
The workstation!
Monday, February 16, 2015
The blessing of cultural diversity :)
The Lord has blessed me with such richness of culture!
Growing up, I was first surrounded by lots of people from out of the country. I grew to love hearing their stories and would perk up and be the first at the door to shyly welcome new folks. The family spoke English - because the standard was that everyone understood and spoke English. Then we moved to a land with over 70 different people groups and counting.
The costumes, the language, the people. I think back of the little clique we had back in high school Kak A, Nellie, Tiff, Ran and myself. Even earlier to Syl, Lyn and Sia - the blend of our cultures never got in the way of our friendship. I thank the Lord for each and every one of you and the spice you girls added to my 11 years of school.
There were the dances, the music, the sape! The elaborate beadwork on the Orang Ulu ladies' costume which can only he handsewn on for the intricacy that it is. The motifs and just the simplicity of the lives of the people. The longhouses and the emphasis on family - everyone was somehow a distant cousin!
Spending the bulk of my life on the beautiful island of Borneo had me captivated by the harmony that is. Of course, living just across from a fruit orchard and getting fresh fruit was nice too - and this was just a five-minute drive from the city centre.
Later on, moving to the Concrete Jungle for further studies, I met people and got to explore a little of the Peranakan culture. The richness of the food, the traditions. The elaborate kebaya. I became friends with Uncle J, the man behind the security desk on campus. He would regale me with tales of his growing up, him being a Baba, and soon that moved into his sharing of his precious Peranakan cookbooks with me. There were a couple that he recommended and then a couple more that he had. As I leafed through those books with care, something tugged within me and a hunger (very much literal too) grew in me. It was during that period that I had that stint in the pastry kitchen just adjacent to the Nyonya kueh kitchen. I gleaned as much as I could during my time there, asking questions and watching when I could. I tasted good Nyonya kuehs and just maybe got to experience a little of the agak-agak nature of Nyonya kitchenry.
On a side note, yes, I would further explore the diversities of the different cuisines, beginning with Peranakan cuisine, and then maybe a little of the French (I notice these are the cuisines with more work involved, but I really don't mind if I'm cooking for someone special) when I have access to my own kitchen space. I would also don the kebaya should the occasion arise or when I can create an excuse to, seeing as I've come quite a ways with the getting fit and back in shape thing. One day. Someday. In the meantime, I'll just tone up a little more.
Maybe, just maybe, I may have some Peranakan blood in me?
Growing up, I was first surrounded by lots of people from out of the country. I grew to love hearing their stories and would perk up and be the first at the door to shyly welcome new folks. The family spoke English - because the standard was that everyone understood and spoke English. Then we moved to a land with over 70 different people groups and counting.
The costumes, the language, the people. I think back of the little clique we had back in high school Kak A, Nellie, Tiff, Ran and myself. Even earlier to Syl, Lyn and Sia - the blend of our cultures never got in the way of our friendship. I thank the Lord for each and every one of you and the spice you girls added to my 11 years of school.
There were the dances, the music, the sape! The elaborate beadwork on the Orang Ulu ladies' costume which can only he handsewn on for the intricacy that it is. The motifs and just the simplicity of the lives of the people. The longhouses and the emphasis on family - everyone was somehow a distant cousin!
Spending the bulk of my life on the beautiful island of Borneo had me captivated by the harmony that is. Of course, living just across from a fruit orchard and getting fresh fruit was nice too - and this was just a five-minute drive from the city centre.
Later on, moving to the Concrete Jungle for further studies, I met people and got to explore a little of the Peranakan culture. The richness of the food, the traditions. The elaborate kebaya. I became friends with Uncle J, the man behind the security desk on campus. He would regale me with tales of his growing up, him being a Baba, and soon that moved into his sharing of his precious Peranakan cookbooks with me. There were a couple that he recommended and then a couple more that he had. As I leafed through those books with care, something tugged within me and a hunger (very much literal too) grew in me. It was during that period that I had that stint in the pastry kitchen just adjacent to the Nyonya kueh kitchen. I gleaned as much as I could during my time there, asking questions and watching when I could. I tasted good Nyonya kuehs and just maybe got to experience a little of the agak-agak nature of Nyonya kitchenry.
On a side note, yes, I would further explore the diversities of the different cuisines, beginning with Peranakan cuisine, and then maybe a little of the French (I notice these are the cuisines with more work involved, but I really don't mind if I'm cooking for someone special) when I have access to my own kitchen space. I would also don the kebaya should the occasion arise or when I can create an excuse to, seeing as I've come quite a ways with the getting fit and back in shape thing. One day. Someday. In the meantime, I'll just tone up a little more.
Maybe, just maybe, I may have some Peranakan blood in me?
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Maybe one day...
Maybe one day this part of me
Will only be a memory.
Maybe one day you'll hang around
And wear a smile and not a frown.
Maybe one day I'll grow to be
The girl you've wanted me to be.
Maybe one day I'd have a home
That I would get to call my own.
Maybe one day I'll hear you say
Girl, I'm proud of you today.
Will only be a memory.
Maybe one day you'll hang around
And wear a smile and not a frown.
Maybe one day I'll grow to be
The girl you've wanted me to be.
Maybe one day I'd have a home
That I would get to call my own.
Girl, I'm proud of you today.
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